AllFreeNovel
Share Us
CHAPTERTWENTY-SEVEN
Isaac
I plastera broad smile to my face as I lead Connor and Tawny off the stage, even though my heart is far from smiling. Try as I might to be happy for two of my closest friends, I can’t get past the feeling I will never have this for myself, and for the first time in my life, I want it. Watching Aurelia do everything we’d planned together, talked through, and giggled about had brought everything back. The beautiful friendship we had, the easy comfort we felt in each other’s company, the mutual respect and admiration we had for each other. Although, for the life of me, I couldn’t understand what she’d have to admire me for. I’m just a beefed up security guard at the end of the day. Sure, I helped her get a few bank statements and passwords using connections from my CIA days, but she’s mentioned no more about the information so I figure it wasn’t as useful as she’d hoped.
I lead the newly engaged pair down the corridor, knowing the agency guys are watching Aurelia, and let them into the Dolphin suite where I know Carter, Luca, Jax and Hud are waiting with Esme, Maisie, and Seleste. I still don’t know what Carter was thinking leaving baby Safia with former petty thief Maggie ‘from the hole’ but he clearly trusts her, so who am I to argue? A loud cheer that could only emanate from the mouths of overbearing security guards can be heard the second the door is opened, and I follow them inside, almost being crushed myself by group hugs.
As far as celebrations go, it’s perfect. Everyone close to Connor and Tawny is here, apart from perhaps Barbie and Fitz, but this is way past their bedtime and I’m sure they’ll have their own ideas for celebrating the happy couple. As infectious as the smiles are, for me, there’s something missing. There’s someone else who should be here. I try to ignore the gaping hole in my chest as best I can, but it’s hard. It feels like nothing I’ve ever experienced, as though my heart itself has been physically kicked and is limping along, bruised and battered.
When the door opens, it shoots into my mouth and I hold my breath waiting to see who’s standing at the other side. It would make sense for her to come here. She couldn’t express her true feelings, or give genuine, heartfelt congratulations while up on stage with a few thousand fans watching her every move. But here, in the privacy of the backstage area, she can be free with her support for two people who’ve become her friends too.
The door opens further and the breath leaves my throat. My heart doesn’t do the flip I expected it to. I don’t feel it hammering against my ribcage. My cock doesn’t even budge at the sight of her. Because it’s not who I hope it’s going to be.
“Paris.”
* * *
We siton the beach opposite the marina. I chose this spot because I don’t want Aurelia to see us when she makes her way back to the villa.
“You left without saying goodbye,” I say, looking out to the blackened sea.
“I know, I’m sorry.” Her voice is quiet and full of genuine regret. “I thought you might have had other things on your mind.”
“It’s just my job.” I sigh, feeling suddenly tired.
“I know that now. I’m sorry for behaving like a child.”
“You didn’t behave like a child, Paris. I understand it now. I know how it must have looked. Aurelia is an attractive girl…” I force the words, “but nothing’s changed. She isn’t, and never will be, the girl for me.” Not because I don’t want her, I don’t say, but because she’s right. I can’t commit to someone who’s available. I’m petrified of being left. I’ve been left too many times in my life and I can’t bear the thought of the protective wall I’ve built around myself being knocked to the ground all over again.
I sense Paris breathing out slowly.
“I missed you, Isaac.”
“I missed you too.” As I say this, I know it’s a lie.
“I realized something while I was away.” I turn to face her but she still looks out to sea. “I don’t want to be shared.”
My chest stills. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, I don’t want to be with both you and Roman…”
I swallow as discreetly as I can, pushing down the horrible feeling I have that I know what she’s about to say.
“I just want to be with you.”
There it is. The sentence I really don’t want to hear, and not for the reason Aurelia would assume—that I can’t bring myself to be with someone who isn’t available—but because of who Paris is. Or, more importantly, who she isn’t. I take in Paris’s profile and for the first time it’s clear to me what is real and what is not real. There’s very little of the former. Her exterior has been toughened with fillers and fats and fancy sculpting. There’s very little evidence of who Paris used to be. It used to appeal to me. I now realize I liked having the wall of disguise between me and the women I slept with. I never got to really know them, and they never got to know me. There was always a veil of fakeness in the way. With Aurelia, no such veil existed. She was truly, effortlessly and unashamedly herself. And with it, she saw me, my failings and all.
I don’t reply. I can’t. So I reach an arm around her shoulders and pull her close. It probably took a lot for Paris to say that. The least I can do is make it worth her while.
