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CHAPTER 9
Even though we’d planned on a late night out, it wasn’t much past eight-thirty before we got home. HUber drops Jess off first, and she gives me a weary smile when she climbs out of the Prius.
“See you tomorrow?” she asks. “Kev’s got to work so we’ll be home all day.”
“Yeah, sure. Maybe we can take the kids to the park or something.”
With that she closes the door, and I’m dropped off only a few seconds later. I thank HUber for the lift and tip him, making my way up the driveway, past Katie’s old blue Beetle.
She’s in the kitchen tiding up when I walk in.
“Mrs. Roberts, I thought you’d be out till much later,” she says. “I just started the dishes.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that. How did Mia do?”
“Awesome as always.”
After walking Katie out, I walk up to check in on Mia. She’s completely out, sleeping sideways with her head pushed up against the rail and her legs up against the wall. Lifting her, I readjust her body. She makes little annoyed smacks, but doesn’t wake.
I cover her sweaty body, only because I know that she’ll wake up freezing if I don’t, and move her ringlets up away from her face. With my fingertip, I trace her sleep warmed cheek and smile. She looks so sweet when she sleeps, just like her father. And just like him, she can be a real handful while awake.
“Sweet dreams, my love,” I whisper and kiss her forehead, before heading out to my room.
-Are you still out?Comes a text from Owen.
Guilt crawls into my being, clawing at my insides and shredding my soul. It takes me a long while to build the courage to reply a simple,- Yeah, got home a while ago.
-Everything ok?he asks. Knowing him, he probably senses something.
-Yeah, just tired. Heading to bed. Goodnight.
-Goodnight. I love you.He tells me, but I don’t respond, not because I don’t love him, but because I’m so damned ashamed.
I shower again, and once again it doesn’t matter how much I scrub, the essence of Bo remains. It follows me into bed.
Sleep is an elusive bitch tonight, when all I want is the sweet relief of oblivion. I don’t want to think anymore, to remember everything that shouldn’t have been made a memory in the first place.
For hours, I toss and turn in my empty cold bed. I think of calling Owen, but I can’t because no matter what I’ve done, I can still smell Bo on me.
Bo. Damn him, but I can’t get the man out of my head!
Growling in frustration, I throw the covers off and stomp downstairs, straight to the pantry. There is a lovely bottle of vodka calling my name, seducing me with the promise of a blackout. Even with the knowledge that there will be hell to pay in the morning, I simply add it to my list of sins for the night, and reach for the blue bottle.
Adding a some of Mia’s orange/mango juice to the mix, I have nothing else, I throw it back like it’s a shot. Refilling my drink, not once, but twice, I grab a bag of goldfish and head upstairs.
I should go to bed. But instead of making use of the languid feeling that fills my limbs and muddles my mind, I head straight to the linen closet in my bathroom.
Using my little step, I reach my arm through two large plastic bins and move my hand about until I come across the soft bag. I yank it out and swallow back the knot in my throat as I see the red.
As I go from buzzed to outright drunk, I plop onto my bed and back onto my fluffy pillow, opening the bag. I pull out the red dress and am instantly hit with the scent of that night back in November, when I’d been with Bo for the first time. Yes, it is a little musty, it had been drenched in rain at some point. But beyond the wet and beyond the sweat, is Bo. He is still all over it, his clean, masculine scent still lingering.
Closing my eyes, I bring it to my nose and sob. Like a baby I cry, mouth open, so loud I am glad that Mia sleeps like the dead and doesn’t wake up.
“Bo!” I say over and over.
It’s him that I call for, even though I shouldn’t say his name, not anymore.
But I can’t help it. He is ever present in my mind. There is nothing on this Earth that can pry him out of my thoughts. Always he’s there. His scent. His touch. His face.
