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“And this one?” I point to a thin line on his shoulder and kiss it gently.
“That one is recent. Puggy scratched me and the damned thing scarred.”
“Do you have any other scars I should know about?” My voice is lower now, huskier. “I want to kiss every mark on your body, make them all better.”
The desire in his eyes matches my own, but then his face turns serious as he moves a strand of hair from my face. “I wish you would. Forever.”
Feeling the pressure of the moment, I sit up. “Bo, it’s not that simple.”
He sits up, too, resting his arms on his knees. He’s still wearing his shirt; his jeans and boxer briefs having been thrown clear across the room. “Do you love me?” he asks, getting to the heart of the matter.
“Yes.” I look into his eyes so that he knows that what I say is true. “Bo, I love you.” It’s the first time I’ve told him, though I’ve acknowledged that fact myself already.
“Then what is keeping you from me? You’ve had time. You know that I’m crazy for you. Why can’t we just…” he shakes his head as he searches for the right words. He runs his left hand over my hair and down my bare back. “I want us to be together.”
I sigh, expelling the breath I’m perpetually holding in. “It’s not that simple,” I repeat. “When I say that I love you, I mean it. The thing is, I still love Owen, too. Not only is he the father of my child, but he’s someone I care deeply about.” I lift a hand up to stop him when he goes to deny what I’ve said. “It’s not a clean cut, Bo. He’s my husband. I have to try to fix it.”
I don’t even mention Mia, because honestly she’s not a part of the equation. No matter what happens between Owen and I, she will always have two parents that adore her and will do anything to make sure she knows that.
Bo’s head droops, and he looks sad and defeated. Instantly I regret my words, not because I didn’t mean them, but because I don’t like to see him hurt.
“You may not believe this, but I do understand. Do you think I like chasing after a married woman? Because trust me, it’s not the way I planned to find the ONE. If it had been up to me, I would have met you years ago, before you met your husband. In the perfect world, everything would be different. But it’s not, and it wasn’t my choice to meet you when I did, just like it wasn’t my choice to love you.
“You know that I’m willing to fight for what I want; I have even swallowed my pride when it comes to you. But it’s starting to feel like I’m beggin’, Cris. That’s not fair to me.”
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I never meant to do that to you.”
“I think you should leave.” He stands and begins to collect my things. “I can appreciate what you said. If you change your mind, you let me know. But until then I think we should keep our distance. That goes both ways.”
I take the clothes he hands me and start to dress in silence. When I’m done, I walk to him and put my hand to his chest, feeling the warmth of him through his shirt.
“I’m sorry, Bo. I shouldn’t have come, but I couldn’t help it.”
“Well now we know,” he says pushing me towards the entrance and opening the door. He leans down as if though he’s going to kiss me, but when I raise my lips to his, he moves his mouth to my ear instead. “But know this, if you do change your mind, and you come to me and I’m still here, then we can be somethin’ great. But I’m not gonna wait for you, Cris. If I get another chance at love, I’m not gonna pass it up.”
With that last bit that leaves me feeling as though I’ve just been punched in the gut, he closes the door on me.
