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CHAPTER 21
Where the hell is he?I wonder as I sit at my kitchen table, scratching my head, looking at my phone like it will ring at any minute and it will be Bo.
“Nothing yet?” My dad comes into the kitchen, a worried look on his face as he sits beside me. After I called him to tell him everything that happened last night, he packed his bags and decided to stay with me a few days.
“Nope. Nada. Not a clue where he is. I texted Jane an hour ago, but she hasn’t replied yet.”
“Do you regret ending it with Owen?”
“No,” I answer confidently. “Daddy, all it was doing was causing him pain. Both of us, actually. It had to end. I know you don’t like it, believe me it’s not the way I ever imagined things would happen. And I know you think I’m following in Mom’s footsteps…”
He lifts a hand to me, stopping me from speaking further. “Cris, what the heck are you talking about?”
“Well, I know you were upset that I’d leave Owen, just like Mom left you.”
He rears back in shock at my words and I’m suddenly not so sure I interpreted anything correctly.
“Wait a minute, I feel like I’m missing something. You were ready to end your marriage when Owen had his affair, am I right?”
“Right.”
“But when you fell in love with Bo, you denied yourself because you thought I’d compare you to your mother?”
“Um… Yes?” When my mom left, I’d been so appalled at her behavior. When Owen was unfaithful, the story was different. But once I became the cheater, it felt like utter hypocrisy to do the same thing after the things I’d thought. “I didn’t want you to judge me.”
“Cris, the only one doing any judging here is you. And I think you need to give your mother a break. She’s an amazing woman, who has loved you and cared for you. You know better than anyone that a mother’s love has nothing to do with a marriage. Do you love Mia any less because you and Owen split?”
“No,” I say, shrinking back at the scolding.
“I would say it’s time you forgive her, if I felt there was anything for you to forgive. She didn’t do anything to you. If anything, it’s me who should ask for your forgiveness. Cris, I have never compared you to your mom, and I’m sorry if I made it seem that way at any point. Though I am so grateful you were there to support me when she left, and you are the reason I was able to get back on my feet, you should never have had to. No child should have to. It was not your job, and I am afraid it gave you some sort of complex, or fear of what you might do.”
“Daddy, no, I am so glad that I could be there for you.”
“I know you are. But in the process, you became so afraid of what you would become. I think you also worry too much of what I may think of your relationships. The thing is, your marriage was nothing like mine. The reasons your mom and I separated may seem similar to you, but they were so different. You only knew the half of it.
“The same with me. I am well aware that I don’t know everything that goes on behind closed doors. I would never assume to. All I’ve cared about is your happiness. I want you to be with someone that makes you happy. Someone that you love with all your heart. And if this guy, this Bo, loves you near as much as I think you love him…”
“He does,” I say. “At least I think so. He’s the one, Daddy. And I think I’ve lost him. Literally!” I let my head fall onto his shoulder, and he brings his other hand around to hold me there.
“Things will work out, I promise,” he squeezes me.
“Thank you for coming. I don’t think I could function without you here.”
“Wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he says.
“I think I need to call Mom.”
“Does she know any of what’s happening?” he asks.
“No. I didn’t know how to talk to her about it without sounding resentful. Now I feel awful because everything you said is absolutely true. She’s always been an amazing mother.”
Buzz. Buzz. A text comes in and I lift my phone, wondering if maybe my mom sensed my sudden need to hear her voice, to apologize for being less than understanding. But it’s not her.
“It’s Jane,” I tell my dad.
“Abuelito!” Mia’s head pops into the kitchen. She’s dressed herself in a princess costume, and has a very annoyed look on her face. “You said you were doing the show with me,” she tells him pouting.
“Yes, I’m coming.” He gets up and leaves me to message my friend.
