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KWAN
After Beau left, I rounded up the rest of the guys and told them we could finally go home. I explained about Saul, how it was natural causes, and while Cho and Sammy looked relieved, Li and Kasem still had a haunted look about them, and if I were honest, I was still a little shell-shocked myself.
Cynthia had booked us train tickets, and we were due to leave in the next hour. We’d be home by the time the restaurant opened, and no doubt I’d be roped in to work tonight. I’d already called home, explained what had happened, but my father’s response had been the same as always.
“You need to work here, Kwan. Learn the ropes. One day, this will be for you. Your business to run.”
I really didn’t want it, though. I didn’t have a business head; I was more interested in music. Psychology was my back-up plan. My heart was with the band and the guys. Well, most of them anyway.
Since yesterday though, the annoying, cocky Kasem was nowhere to be seen, and I’d seen a drop of blood on the sleeve of his purple shirt, making me wonder if seeing Saul had set off another episode for him. I wouldn’t ask, couldn’t ask. How did you even broach a subject like that?
With my brother, Jung, if anyone questioned him on how he was, he’d shut down, storming to his room and slamming the door. It was a fine line we trod every day, walking on eggshells around him when we knew he had a bad day.
No one else in the group had any interest in dealing with the management company, so by default, that task had fallen to me. I’d already told a still sobbing Cynthia that I’d call her again tomorrow. I was intrigued by this gig that Saul had told us about. If it really was as good as he’d said, it could mean something more for us, not just the odd nightclub here and there, but a chance to really be seen.
Two hours later, I walked into the restaurant, seeing my parents and Hana getting ready for the evening rush. We were open most of the day, but business picked up around six until closing. We were open six days a week, only closing on Sunday so they could take some much-needed rest.
On these days, we’d get together as a family, eating all day and usually drinking Soju. It was potent stuff, a fermented rice spirit. We bought it from the local Asian warehouse, mainly for sale in the restaurant, but on Sundays, the family as a whole would drink it. We ate snacks of chicken and peanuts while Dad prepared plates of fried chicken, crispy dumplings and my favourite sticky chicken skewers. They were the best I’d ever tasted.
“Kwan,” Hana greeted me as I walked in, hugging me tight before letting me go. “Are you okay? What’s happening with the band now?”
“Nuna, I’m fine, and I don’t know yet. I have to call and speak to Cynthia again tomorrow. I’m sure it’ll be good, but where are my little joka? I’ve missed them.”
“They’re out with Ollie. He’s taken them to see his mother. She’s always complaining she never sees them, although she sees them every week.”
Hana was married to an Englishman. Our parents were pretty open-minded about interracial marriage and hadn’t batted an eyelid when she came home with him, telling them he was the man she was going to marry. They’d been eighteen at the time, and she was now twenty-seven—just three years older than my twenty-four years—and had given me one of the best gifts, my nephews. I loved my family and knew deep down they’d have no problem with my being gay. I just hadn’t felt the need to tell them about me yet.
Maybe if me and Beau became a thing? I was getting ahead of myself. We’d barely spent any time together, but it didn’t mean I didn’t want to. I’d call him tomorrow, tell him that I’d like to see him again.
But first, I needed to eat. I walked into the kitchen, surprised to see Jung there. He must have been having a good day to have left the house, so I was careful not to say anything that could upset him, just acknowledged his presence with a nod. That was enough for him to see I’d noticed. He carried on preparing the food for the evening. He was an excellent chef when he was around and could easily take over the kitchen when our parents eventually decided to retire.
That wouldn’t be anytime soon, and by then, I hoped to have had a successful career in music, giving me a cushion until I could finally practise in my chosen field.
K-pop bands didn’t last indefinitely, so a backup plan was what I needed. I’d be twenty-six by the time my three years were up, so we had some time. I was hungry for it, though, this success. I needed to make it to prove to myself that I could do this, that I had the talent. I wasn’t cut out to be a solo artist, nor the frontman of Kings, but I had to keep the guys together, keep them going even though Saul had gone.
As I sat to eat in the small office just off the kitchen, Hana joined me.
“So, how were the gigs? I know you cancelled the last one, but what about the others? And what about that twat, Kasem? Is he still giving you grief?”
She always came to talk to me when I was eating, so hand gestures were what she usually got. I seesawed my hand, showing her it could have gone better. I wanted to tell her about Beau but didn’t know how private our conversation would be.
Deciding I needed to talk to someone, I got up, closing the door to the office.
“Ooh, this could be good!” She clapped her hands, a wicked smile on her face. “What has our Kwan been up to?”
“Nothing like that, Hana. I was only gone for three nights.”
“I know, but when you shut the door, it means you have something juicy to tell me.”
She ruffled my hair, knowing I hated that. I wasn’t particular about the style, just didn’t like people touching it.
I batted her hand away. “I won’t tell you in a minute, and then what will you do?”
“Oh, Kwan. You have to tell your big sister everything. I’ll set the terrible twosome on you next time you’re in. You’ll be spilling all your secrets then.”
She wouldn’t do that, and she knew I was going to tell her what had happened over the weekend. I just wanted to draw it out a little longer. For siblings, we got on well, better than we did with the other two. It was just the way it was.
“So, I might have met a guy.”
