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KWAN
“Kwan, pay attention, will you please?” Alan’s voice rang out over the music in the studio we were rehearsing in. He was a hard taskmaster and had brought in a new choreographer who pushed us relentlessly. I understood why. We needed to impress at the gigs we had coming up. Some were pretty high profile and had the legs to send us to heights we’d not thought possible before.
Things certainly seemed to be taking off. The only downside to this was that I had less time to spend with Beau, and when we did manage to get together, I was so damn tired I’d often fall asleep or be too exhausted to do anything.
He handled it well, but I could sometimes see his face fall when I said I had to go, either to return Hana’s car or because I had to get up early for rehearsals. My university work was being neglected too, but I needed that for when the group disbanded, so a fair amount of my spare time was spent studying. I knew the group wouldn’t last forever, and I needed my degree to do the other thing I was passionate about.
I’d managed to get to the new bar Beau worked at that first weekend, but since then, I’d had no time. This weekend, however, I was going to see Beau and I was going to stay awake, come hell or high water.
But first, I needed to get these next few rehearsals out of the way.
“Sorry, Alan. I’m here, paying attention.” Cho looked over at me, rolling his eyes. We’d all been feeling the pressure, Kasem included. He was back to his normal, obnoxious self tonight, showing off in front of the choreographer, smirking when any of us did it wrong, and tonight was one of those nights where I just couldn’t get anything right. I was tired and missed Beau, and Kasem’s relentless running commentary was really starting to grate.
“Yeah, Kwan, pay attention. I thought you were supposed to be the dancer of the group. Looks like you might be losing that title soon.”
Fucking hell, the mood I was in, I was ready to punch the guy. I didn’t care he was smaller than me, he deserved it and I was sure no one would blame me. He was getting on everyone’s last nerve, Alan included. I’d caught him a couple of times, talking to him to one side, and it didn’t look friendly, but Kasem insisted it was nothing, that they were talking about the money his relatives were still paying.
Two more days of this, though, and I was done. I’d have Saturday and Sunday with Beau. He’d managed to get a weekend off finally, and I had plans. We needed time together, just the two of us. We’d been together a little over a month if you included our first ‘date’, and I was annoyed that, after that first weekend, where we’d spent the Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday together, most of our time had been on the phone, except for the Saturday night at Beau’s new bar.
We’d carried on with the phone sex, and that was probably the only thing keeping us going at the moment. This weekend, I intended to rectify that.
I got my mind back on the dancing and managed to concentrate for the next hour until we finished. I was dead on my feet again and was sitting with a cold drink when Cho dropped into the chair next to me.
“What’s up with you? You were distracted tonight, which is most unlike you. What gives?”
“Nothing much. I’m just tired. Doing this, university and picking up the odd shift at the restaurant, I’m knackered. How about you? You seem to be coping ok with it.”
“Appearances can be deceiving. I found a job during the day in a new boutique. I’m working as many shifts as I can as well as doing this. My new boss, Paul, he’s… Well, I’ve been fooling around with him, so yeah. I understand how you feel.”
“Paul, eh? You kept that quiet.”
He shook his head. “If you’d have been around, I’d have told you, but you’ve not been about much, dashing off after rehearsals. It’s been noticed, and I just wanted to warn you.”
“Fuck them. Once rehearsals are done, I don’t need to stick around. I’m giving them most of my free time as it is. I’m working myself into the ground, and something’s gonna have to give soon.”
“Kasem was talking about getting together this weekend to do something, maybe bowling or a meal. He was talking about how we need to ‘bond’ more. Was saying that if we didn’t go, it’d be bad form.”
“Well, bad form or not, I won’t be there. I’m seeing Beau this weekend.”
“I didn’t know you were still seeing him. It’s serious then?”
“I never stopped seeing him, and maybe? He means a lot to me, and we have fun together. I have plans this weekend, and I’m not giving them up just because fucking Kasem wants us all to play nice. He wasn’t bothered about it a few months ago. You know he’s just doing this to impress Alan. I don’t think they get along as well as he likes to make out.”
Cho held his hands up in front of him. “Hey, I’m just telling you. Don’t shoot the messenger. We’re all going.”
“Have a nice time then, but I won’t be there.” I bent down to remove my shoes, finding my trainers and changing into them before I stood. “I’m off. I said I’d catch up with Beau before he goes to bed. He was working late last night, so he’ll be in bed early tonight.”
“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow then.” Cho stood too. Meeting Beau had changed a lot of things for me, and clearly, one of those things was my relationship with Cho and the band. I was less tolerant of all the hours we were spending doing this, and I just hoped that the reward would be worth it. I wouldn’t give it up, but there needed to be more balance, and right now, all I seemed to be doing was band related.
I knew we had to put the effort in, but with mine and Beau’s relationship so new, I was finding it hard to give everything and everybody the time they all deserved.
I walked over to Alan, feeling the need to apologise for how I’d been this evening, but he was stuck talking to Kasem.
“I’m off, guys. See you tomorrow.” I left the studio before anyone could stop me and made my way home. Fortunately the trams ran quite late, so I was able to get home easily, stepping through the front door of my parents’ house a little after ten.
“How was training tonight? You look tired, Kwanchai. Perhaps you should give this up, concentrate on your studies and that lovely boy, Beau.” My mother’s words were the same every night, and every night I gave her the same answer.
“Training was fine. I am tired. No, I’m not giving it up. My studies are fine, as is Beau, and now, I’m grabbing a drink, then I’m going to bed.”
