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Chapter Three
BRIGGS
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Even if anyone saidanything in the painful five minutes of Xan and Millie staring at each other I wouldn’t have heard it. The fear I expected rushes through my body but I’m not afraid for any of the reasons I thought I’d be.
Xan tilts his head and pinches his eyebrows in confusion, but his mouth hangs open slightly and his eyes are wide and unblinking. It’s that expression that tells me everything I need to know.
He had no idea Millie exists.
I tuck my daughter closer to my side as if I can protect her from this knowledge. There’s no protecting anyone now. It’s the moment of truth, no turning back. My biggest fear stands right in front of me. I knew it was coming, I thought I’d have time to prepare.
Xan slides his hands over his face and into his hair, moving from Millie to me with a hard-accusing stare that drives guilt straight through my chest. He didn’t know I had the baby. How did he not know I had the baby? We fought about it. I’ve sent him pictures for ten years on her birthday.
I don’t get time to ask him because he takes three giant steps backward, spins on his heel and storms away, leaving me standing there alone clutching my baby for the second time.
“Mom,” Millie says, already close to my height, but the depth of her understanding is deeper than I want it to be. “Who was that?”
I can tell she already knows. It’s hard not to, she’s an exact replica of a Ryker, inside and out. With my temper...
I tuck her closer and kiss the side of her face, not trusting my ability to speak. Jet still stands there, stunned. His hands are shoved awkwardly into the pockets of his flannel jacket and I wish he’d leave. Give me space with my girl. I must have communicated my wishes with my expression because he also backs away slowly.
“Right,” he says clearing his throat. “I’ll, uh, get back to it then.”
Millie keeps her gaze on me, her bushy dark eyebrows furrowing beneath the brim of her baseball cap. “Mom?” she says, firm but with a slight quiver.
She wants an answer. She deserves an answer.
“That was your father.” It’s the hardest sentence I’ve ever had to push from my lungs.
After a long pause her shoulders sag. “Is he angry about me?”
Her words break my heart in a thousand shards and I take her cheeks in my hands. “Sweetheart, no one is ever angry about you. We surprised him is all. He didn’t know we were here. He’ll come back. I promise.”
That dreaded word crosses my lips and I simultaneously hate and fear making the promise. He better come back. I’ll make him come back. I’ll chew up my own nerves and stomp out my fears and Xan and I will figure it out. I’ll do anything at this point to make the distant sadness on her face disappear.
Even confront the most painful night of my entire life.
#
Iquietly wash and dry the dishes at the large sink in front of a bay window that overlooks the mountains behind the acreage. The tapping sound of Millie’s pencil as she does her homework mixes with the slosh of the dish water and clink of ceramic plates.
My daughter pushed out the thoughts of Xan after about fifteen minutes but I’m slowly being consumed by him. Where is he? Why isn’t he calling? Why can’t he put on his big boy pants and talk to me about this?
But most of all I can’t figure out how he didn’t know about her. I very distinctly remember being sixteen, clutching a pregnancy test in one hand while the other dialed his number. As soon as I heard his voice, I burst into soul shattering sobs and he demanded to meet me at out spot—the small creek that cut through the forest separating my house from the town of Raston.
That day was as clear as if I lived it yesterday. I sprinted through the trees driven by the need to see him, by my fear of the life growing inside me, my confusion about what it meant for my future. I told him he was going to be a father through heaving breaths and tears that ran faster than the creek water surrounding us. He sat with me in the dirt until the sun disappeared and the air cut through my skin sending ripples of shivers through my body.
He held me and kissed me and wrapped me up in his warmth.
“Everything is going to be okay, Babe. We’ll figure this out like we do everything. Together.”
How does he not know about her?
“Mom,” Millie says, her voice shattering my trance. A glass slips from my hand and smashes against the tile floor.
“Fucking hell,” I shout and then press my lips together tightly. Millie frowns at me like she always does when I swear in front of her.
