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Inside, I feel like my life has become a circus, juggling flaming batons on a high wire with no net to catch me if I fall.
Not if.
When.
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Thesun is warm and the spring breeze a cool dance. Noise fills the yard from music and laughter and conversation. It’s the perfect scene for a ten-year old’s birthday. Surrounded by friends and family and a face smeared with chocolate.
I hold a glass of wine and lean against the house, not bothering to socialize with the other parents. Xan is buzzing about like a proud papa, talking to everyone, inserting himself into groups of his daughter’s friends and making bad Dad jokes. I wish I had even an ounce of his carefree spirit. He seems oblivious to the scrutinizing stares of the other mothers. The judgment that flickers through their eyes. A twenty-six-year-old mother of a preteen.
All Millie’s friends have parents in their mid 30’s at least. Some pushing 40. Xan doesn’t seem to notice at all.
“Are you looking to burn a hole through the tent with only your eyes?” Del giggles, bumping me with her hip.
“I hate the way they look at her,” I say, clutching my arms tighter around my middle. Del frowns and then scans the party. “How do you not let it bug you?”
Del doesn’t seem to understand at first but realization settles in her features and she shrugs. She knows I don’t mean Millie. That I mean her, her siblings. How can you live in a town that despises your existence?
“You get used to it, I guess. My family is fucked up, but we’re loyal. We stick together no matter what. I’d rather they disrespect me for that than quietly pretend I’m perfect like they do.”
The dig hurts, but it wasn’t meant for me. I’m one of those people. My family was like that. Perfect on the outside, hollow on the inside. Del leans over and lowers her voice.
“Mrs. Cartwright had an affair with her husband’s brother. Years ago. Scandalous.” Del nods to one of the mothers. “Mr. Price drinks too much. I would know. But men in suits are allowed to drink too much. The Branson’s adopted Janie after a six-year battle with her birth mother who used to show up high and harass them before passing out on their lawn and getting arrested. They pretended like nothing ever happened.”
I scan the crowd of parents and kids as Del dishes all their secrets. Makes sense she would know them as the town’s only bartender.
“We’re all fucked up, Briggs. Every one of us has a dark secret. The difference is that my family lives with the closet doors open.”
Her words get lost as a figure catches my eye. She rounds the side of the house, her features pinched and uncomfortable. Priscilla.
“I thought she wasn’t coming?” I asked, my heart rate speeding up. Pris always made me feel this way from the moment Xan and I began our story fifteen years ago. She never liked me, and she was never shy about me knowing it.
“Xan threatened her,” Del said with a kick of her cowboy boot in the grass.
“What? Why would he do that?”
“I dunno. Honestly, I’ve never seen him so mad. At first, he was fine with Pris being a total bitch about this but yesterday he laid down the law very loudly. He usually reserves those screaming matches for Dad, but after Dad showed up and got Mom all stirred up, he switched his tune pretty fast. Was adamant that we all know Millie. He basically demanded that we love her. I thought it was funny. As if we don’t already.”
“I don’t want you to be forced to love her,” I say, still watching Pris as she approached Millie. Millie stared up at her aunt, the only Ryker she hasn’t met yet. Besides Xan’s parents which I’ll be happy if she never meets them.
Millie holds her hand out to Pris, who looks at it for a long painful moment.
Please don’t hurt her. Please don’t hurt her.
I’m holding my breath and feeling lightheaded by the time Pris shakes Millie’s hand. Xan is there too, hovering over Pris. His gaze is hard and stern, like a father demanding his kid apologize whether they want to or not. Suddenly I’m angry with him.
Why did he force her to come here? Why can’t he ever just leave it alone? Why does he always need to be in control of everyone and everything around him?
I kick off the side of the house and go to them. I don’t even acknowledge Pris because I already know what that pleasantry will be, very unpleasant.
“Xan, can I talk to you?” I ask and he ducks to the side to follow me out of ear shot of Millie. The heat of Pris’ glare burns my back. Xan’s excitement falters when he studies me.
“What’s wrong?”
“Why would force her to come here?”
He startles as if that wasn’t what he was expecting. “She’s Millie’s aunt.”
