AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Jet throws me into the castle and Millie dives in after me, tackling me to ground. I can’t even fight back I’m laughing so hard. Xan steps in and lifts Millie, her skinny legs kicking wildly, and they go down together and I pounce on my daughter knowing all her tickle spots.
All the tension melts away as I stop worrying about the past, stop thinking about the future, stop noticing anything around me beyond Millie, and Xan, and this perfect day.
#
Theair is chilled, and the sky painted with a blend of orange and purple as Millie says goodbye to Sarah.
“Are you sure you don’t need a hand cleaning up?” Sarah’s mother smiles politely and part of me appreciates that she’s trying. That she recognizes our daughters have connected and their bond was forming fast.
“Thank you, Jen. We’ve got it.”
“It was a lovely party, you have a real talent for it.” Jen hitches her purse on her shoulder. “I’ll have to talk to you when Sarah’s birthday comes around.”
“Oh, I had no part in this. Delilah was the mastermind behind it all. You should definitely talk to her. This is her genius zone.” I scoop more plastic cups into a garbage bag and return her pleasantries.
Jen stumbles for a moment before thanking me and returning to her impatient daughter sitting in the car. Millie stands in the driveway and waves frantically as they drive away and then skips to me with a stack of paper plates.
Xan comes around the side of the house carrying his own trash bag bulging.
“I think that’s it for food. No bears needed for clean up.” He teases and winks at Millie.
“Thanks, Xan. You don’t have to stay.” I stack more cups on my already leaning tower and he holds the bag open so I can dump them in,
“Yes, I do,” he cuts me off and I’m stunned by the force of the words. A if it is his duty and obligation to clean up his daughter’s birthday party.
“He promised to tuck me in tonight,” Millie beamed and wrapped her arms around his middle. He squeezed her and kissed the top of her head.
“And I never break a promise,” he says in exaggeration.
I want to smile, to be happy, to really absorb this bond they’re creating but instead I only think about myself. I think about the promise he made to me, the one he not only broke, but shattered.
Pris was right. I am toxic. What kind of person does this?
“You okay, mom?” Millie asks breaking my thoughts and I nod. Xan watches me carefully, the same question burning in his eyes.
“Absolutely. But it is late. You better get going to bed.” I pull her in for a big hug and whisper in her hair. “Happy birthday Sweetheart. I’m so happy you got to spend it with friends.”
“Thanks!” She bounces on her toes. “Next year, Sarah thinks we should do a joint party. Her birthday is in in a couple weeks. Split the different.”
My gut sinks and my jaw hangs open but Xan doesn’t let the conversation continue.
“Alright. A year is a long way away, kiddo. Let’s just get through the night here.” He takes her by the shoulders and guides her to the house. “You go get your pajamas on and brush that cake out of your teeth and then call me.”
“Night mom,” Millie dashes into my arms for one last hug. “Love you.”
“I love you too. See you in the morning.” The words are automatic, and Xan and I watch her bounce up the steps, her sugar fueled youthful energy carrying her.
She has no idea the war that was started between my mind and heart. Next year?
Next year we won’t be in Raston.
Xan’s frown tells me he knows what I’m thinking.
I was so sure of that fact even a couple weeks ago. Next year we won’t be in Raston.
But now when I think it it’s lost all of its conviction. It’s lost all of its assurance.
By next year, this isn’t going to be my life.
