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Chapter Twenty-Eight
BRIGGS
I haven’t sat stillfor over a week. The knowledge that my mother and Xan’s dad were in a relationship when they were young has thrown everything I thought I knew.
It’s even hard to look at Jet without wanting to spill everything that overflows in my chest.
Instead I keep myself busy with finishing touches on the new studio shed. The space is painted, scrubbed, and shined to Jet level perfection so I tinker with things like lamps and storage.
The door opens and Xan steps in, his shoulders hunched and hands in his pockets. It’s been nothing but awkward since we slept together, but I’m not sure if it’s that or the fact that someone started my motorhome on fire, or maybe that we figured out that the reason our parents fought so hard to keep us apart was because they had an affair with each other.
“Hey,” I say, sliding little drawers into a desk.
“Hey.” He leans against the workbench now painted a slate gray. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. Are you taking Millie to baseball today?”
He’s silent for a moment. “Yeah. I wanted to talk to you first though. It’s about Millie. About you, too.”
My heart kicks up speed and dread washes over me. This is it. This is the conversation I’ve been afraid of since the moment Xan set eyes on Millie.
I hop up onto the workbench, gripping the edges so tight my fingers begin to cramp. “What’s up?”
I try to sound calm, but my voice shakes a little.
“I talked to the therapist this week. Twice. She’s going to sign my release back to work.”
“That’s great.”
His lips press together, and he nods, but his gaze is long and distant.
“Things are going to change, now that summer’s almost over. Your dad is in a walking cast now. We’re going to catch whoever is threatening you. I’m back at work and this place is almost ready for sale. School starts in a few weeks.”
“What are you saying, Xan?” I ask, wanting to get it out there.
“I’m not saying anything. I’m asking. When are you planning on leaving?” His voice hardens a little and a spike of anger pierces me.
“I don’t know. I told you I wasn’t going to take her away from you.”
“But you’ll take her away from Raston,” he says and it’s not a question. We both know it. “And then what? My job is most active in the summer. I just see her at Christmas and Easter?”
“Why are you being like this?” I ask and he turns to me. Now I see it. All I heard was his tension and aggressive accusations. When I see him I see the truth. His fear melts my anger. “I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m confused and overwhelmed right now. All I know is I can’t live here.”
“Why?” He asks.
“Because.”
“Not good enough. Why can’t you be here, Briggs?”
He wants me to say it.
Because you’re here. Because I can’t live in a place you live without being with you.
“I want us to be a family,” he says, and it shocks me backward. “I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here. I want to be with you.”
“Xan,” I plead.
“Shunta asked me what I wanted. What I truly wanted if everything I felt obligated to take care of was magically fixed. It’s you and Millie. I don’t want you to change your life, I would never ask you to do that. I can meet you somewhere in the middle. I can travel in the winters; you can stay here in the summers. Millie can play on a team. She can have friends.”
