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CHAPTER31
ZEKE
Nova’sstill sleeping when I wake up. My neck is stiff, and my legs are numb. Figgy is sleeping on the back of the couch, close enough to my head that his tail flicks my cheek. He may be getting more comfortable with me, but I still only get the ass end.
I groan and shift from under her, switching out my leg for a pillow, and Figgy hops down, hanging out by the cupboard where we keep the food. I rub my eyes and shuffle to the kitchen to start the coffee, shaking out my foot as I walk. Pain shoots down my leg as the pins and needles start.
It’s worth it. For how happy she was, I’d sleep like that every night, twisting her soft hair and rubbing her shoulders until she’s lightly snoring on my thigh.
My yawn is big and loud as the coffee pot starts, and I adjust my dick in my pants. I still got morning wood sleeping on the couch, sitting straight up. Either that or I really have to piss. I slide my phone closer and tap the screen to check what’s going on.
There are a few texts—two from Skiz and one from an unknown number.
Unknown: Enjoy it while it lasts. Eventually, she’ll figure out how worthless you are.
I swipe out of the messages quickly. My heart thunders in my chest as the last of the coffee sputters through the machine. I grab the cat food, the tinkling of the small kibbles ringing out through the quiet morning.
“You know, you’re quickly becoming one of my favourite people,” Nova mumbles from the couch, and the warring thoughts rip my mind in half. The text and her words.
“You must not know a lot of great people, then,” I tease her, patching the cracks in my chest with the joke.
“I’m serious. What you did for me last night...” She sits up slowly and runs her fingers through her hair. My own fingers tingle with the ghost of her silky strands.
“It was nothing.” I turn away to grab cups and slowly fill them, struggling to put my overflowing thoughts back in place.
My chest pumps with big breaths, and I hear her moving behind me. Her arms slide around my waist, and I grip the counter in my effort to reign it all in. I can’t get hold of the panic that rises in me. The way my feelings for her consume me is terrifying, but then she slips her hands under my shirt. Her warm palms trail up my stomach to my chest, then back down my sides.
“It was everything, Zeke.” She spins me around, and I can’t make myself look at her.
My feet itch to move, lock myself in my room until I can get a handle on whatever is happening right now. Is this what a panic attack feels like? I’ve seen Tabby have them, and it’s not fun to watch. This burning ache in my chest feels like a heart attack—like I’ll die if I can’t stop it.
“You seemed lonely,” I mumble, rubbing my chest. “I just thought you’d feel less lonely if there was something of home here for you.”
This shouldn’t be so hard.Look at her, you idiot, I think. All that runs through my mind is her leaving—packing her van and taking off. Then Tabby flickers through the vision with an RV of her own. Mom and Jess. Dad. Nothing I do ever keeps them from leaving. From disconnecting. From telling me they care and then fucking off.
“You know I’ve never had a one-night stand before. Not once. Until you.”
The force of my thought reversal is painful, and I crush my eyes shut at her admission. I’ve nevernothad a one-night stand until her. The concern pours off her, and even though I can’t look at her, I know exactly how she’s looking at me.
“You know why I chose you, Zeke? Even not knowing a damn thing about you?”
My eyes spring open, and she comes into sharp focus, her hands still under my shirt, wrapped around me and kneading the muscle in my lower back.
“Why?”
“I sensed that I knew you before I ever knew you. You and I come from very different places, but at the root of it, I think we’re not that different at all. I see that now as loneliness. Because these last few months showed me that we’re a lot alike. Does that make sense? Or are my baby hormones just taking over and making me sentimental?”
She laughs nervously and steps back. The disconnection of her body from mine is uncomfortable, and I put my hand on her belly. Her face says more than any words ever could—hesitation, fear, and vulnerability. The flow between us is thick, simultaneously calming and nerve-splitting. The love I feel for this woman fights against its chains, demanding to be let free. The rusted excuses I have are weakening, and I want to unleash them. But if there’s anything that truly terrifies me, it’s unlocking this cell. The only way to get better at this emotional shit is to practice, but what if I can’t turn it off? What if it takes me over?
“I’m going to go have a shower,” she says, her features falling. The defeat takes over, and things shift so fast between us.
I don’t want her to think I’m rejecting her. I can’t bear the thought of her thinking I don’t return her feelings. The choice is now. The threshold is right here. My hand is on the key.
“Want company?” I ask through sharp, heaving breaths. Fucking hell, I’m going to go there. I’m going to do it.
Nova smiles, the hope in her eyes enough to sustain me. Enough to break me.
She puts her hand on my chest, my heart punching through my ribs as I try to bring in any oxygen at all. “Give me two minutes, then join.”
I’ve never known how much could be said without saying a fucking word, but at the moment before she lets her hand drop from my chest, I live an entire lifetime in her eyes.
