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She gasps at the way I capture her mouth, her lips parting and tongue melting to mine as I memorize her. I wrap my other arm around her lower back, and in this space behind closed doors, I let every hidden desire pour out into her.
Every last bit of everything I can’t say, everything I won’t let myself feel, everything I want and dream and wish for. All the ways I wish I could love her. Be loved by her. It all comes out through every place my skin touches hers. When I’m empty of my wish, I break the kiss.
Because I’m the guy that doesn’t get more than a wish.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper against her lips. “I can’t.”
The words jam up in my throat, and her eyes flutter open, stunned and filled with tears.
Then I turn my back on her and step out into the cold air wiping my hand over my wet face. I snap a towel from the rack, wrap it around me, and leave her, closing the door softly behind me.
When I’m safely in my room, I collapse on my bed, gripping my head in my hands, pushing the heels of my hands to my eyes. My entire body quakes with the force of my emotions bouncing around untethered inside me. I hear the water shut off, and the shadow of her feet pass in front of my door. I know she’s standing on the other side.
My eyes burn, and I want to cry, and it pisses me off. I scrub my face with a deep growl that burst from my chest. I don’t bother to restrain my frustration, and her shadow under the door disappears.
I pack away all the things I allowed myself to feel with Nova by reminding myself what I really am. A small-town high school dropout. A loudmouth, lazy asshole.
Someone completely unworthy of a girl like her.
Someone completely unfit to be a father.
