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CHAPTER34
ZEKE
By the timeI get to the meadows, a place we used to party out behind the old cemetery, I don’t feel any better. The look on her face as I left haunts me—the knowing, searching eyes that see right through me.
I haven’t been able to access whatever flood of emotion that took over me the other day. This isn’t the way to deal, but it’s been my style so long I couldn’t help it.
The trees thin out, and I step into the clearing; the fire crackles in the snow as the flames lick up all the cold air. Smoke coils into the starry sky, and voices echo around me.
“Zeeeeeeeeee,” Lou wails and springs onto me, wrapping his legs and arms around me, the stench of beer choking me. I stumble and topple to the ground with a thud in the thin layer of snow.
By the time I’ve wrestled my drunk friend off me, I’m laughing, and when I stand up, I feel lighter. These guys won’t let me brood. They won’t let me linger in these dark places.
River hands me a cup. “Where’s your lady friend?” he says, glancing around while I basically finish the entire drink in one breath. I shove the empty cup into his chest and wipe my mouth.
“At home,” I say and follow him to the keg. “With my sisters.”
River scrunches up his dark eyebrows and clenches his teeth. “You have the weirdest life, man. I’ve never had a fucking clue what’s going on when it comes to you.”
“That makes two of us,” I mumble, and he chuckles as he fills my beer.
“She’s cool, though,” he adds and hands me the drink. “Your girl. But watch out for Lou. He thinks she’s hot and is ready to swoop in the moment you fuck it up.”
I hammer back a second drink. “I will have to wish him luck then. He’s going to need it if he’s trying to win her over.”
“Uh oh.” Skiz joins the conversation wrapping an arm around my neck. “Trouble in paradise there, Papa Stryker?”
River leans over to his brother and, in a loud, exaggerated whisper, says, “I think they’re fiiiiighting.”
Skiz reacts with the same amount of jackassery. “Ooooooh,” he says with a grimace.
I grab my third beer, ignoring my friends and heading off to find Lou. I can hear him talking, which is very loud when he’s drunk. There’s a crowd of people around the fire, and I say hi to lots of them as I weave through. These are my peers—kids I went to school with way back when. There are people from Tabby’s class, too. Every one of them gives me a particular look that says they know about my baby drama, but I don’t stick around long enough for them to ask any questions.
Jess is here, which is odd. She smiles at me as I pass, and I nod. Maybe another one of her firsts. Get trashed on New Year’s and kiss a stranger or some shit. Who knows what her bucket list has on it still.
This is the place where I would feel the most comfortable. Just partying, hanging out, enjoying the night—but after everything, I can’t let go of the responsibilities and the fears that cling to me.
The more I think about Nova, the more I drink, and the fuzzier my world becomes. But even as my friends devise a plan for the evening that includes…I’m not sure what, but I’m pretty sure it’s not legal.
My thoughts fracture as the alcohol saturates my blood. All I know is I need to move faster than my fear. I need to act.
“You down, man?” Skiz asks, slinging a bag over his shoulder and something rattling inside. I’m not sure what he said.
“Yeah. Let’s do it.” I have no clue what we’re doing, and I stumble forward. My shoulder slams into a girl I’ve never seen before. She’s less girl and more woman, but I can only see her eyes through my beer vision—everything else is blurred or behind big puffy winter gear.
“Sorry,” I say, and she holds my arm to steady me.
I squint, trying to recognize her, but I’ve never seen her before. She’s not from here, and it’s not only her face that gives her away, but how wrapped up in scarves and coats she is. It’s not that cold outside. But I am also very drunk.
“No worries, handsome,” she says, stepping closer to me. Immediate alarms go off in my brain, and I rip my arm back. “You guys taking off?”
I do this awkward dance-walk thing backwards to put distance between us. Nova is all that’s in my head. I shrug and try not to fall over.
“You here alone?” she asks, scanning the crowd.
River grabs my coat and flings me around to face the trail.
What a weird question. The way she tips her vowels is familiar, but I’m being shoved toward the trees and have zero time to dwell.
