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CHAPTER43
NOVA
Evening sun streamsin through the massive floor-to-ceiling windows as I adjust the pillows around my stomach. Mom chatters in the background, her earbuds a permanent part of her body. She glances over to me often, her face twisting into a smile. I’ve only been home for mere hours, and it’s like I never lived here. The height of the ceiling, the brightness of the furniture, and the curated layout of the house feel foreign to me now.
My phone buzzes in my lap, and I scoop it up, seeing Zeke’s name. My heart flutters, but I ignore the call. Instead, I text and tell him I can’t talk freely.
Zeke: Are you okay?
Nova: Yes. I’m with Mama too, so I’m fine.
Zeke: Call me as soon as you can. It’s important. Be careful.
“What are you going to name the baby?” Dru pipes up, sitting at the end of the couch.
“I don’t know,” I say. “Zeke and I decided to wait and name him when he’s born.”
I want to get up and lock myself in my room to call Zeke, but Dru has been attached to me like Velcro. Hovering and skittish. Totally unlike her.
“Well, no doubt, he’d probably want something like Cletus,” she says, bursting into laughter. I frown at her, my stomach flopping at the judgement.
“What about Carson?” She crosses her legs underneath her and taps her lip.
I shake my head.
“Axel?” She quips.
“Gross,” I say with a wrinkled nose.
“Jason?”
“No way. His dad’s name is Jason. Zeke hates his dad.”
Dru chuckles. “Wouldn’t that be hilarious?”
I snap my head to glare at her. “No, Dru. It would not be fucking hilarious. His dad was an abusive drunk who used to hit his brothers.”
Dru shrugs. “Well, good thing you got out of there, then. Them apples tend to fall pretty close to the trees.”
Rage flows through me. Has she always been such a judgmental fucking bitch? Am I like this?
Shame plows through me, vibrating all my joints. Because yes, I have been like this. But mostly, I’ve just been silent. I’ve ignored comments and turned my cheek to these kinds of things my whole life, which honestly is worse.
I can’t be here anymore, and I shimmy myself off the couch.
Less than a year ago, I would have had very specific judgments about people like Zeke and his family. That’s what makes me upset. Not that Dru said it, but because until now, I’d have never called her out.
“What’s your problem?” Dru asks as I stomp by her.
Tell her. Call her a bitch. Say what you’re thinking, Nova.
I pause and stare at her. Her features set in a challenging expression. The flame inside me fizzles and dies out suddenly. I’m exhausted and confused and don’t want to push her. She didn’t have the photos on her phone, but I’m not dumb. Images can be deleted.
“Nothing. Just uncomfortable.”
I wind through my mother’s huge house and the back patio doors to the covered pool, encased in glass during the winter. The sun makes the space humid and stuffy, like a greenhouse. I walk straight in with my shorts and tank on, revelling in the weightlessness of the water. It eases my muscles and my mind. It clears my thoughts enough to latch onto them.
All of this stuff, all of this extravagance. I’ve never had to worry. I’ve always had exactly what I needed when I needed it. Since I got home, none of it means anything anymore. I don’t even want to sleep in my own room. None of it feels real. I hate everything about it, and I can’t figure out why.
