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CHAPTER54
NOVA
APRIL
Tired is not a word I’ve understood until now. The exhaustion that pulls at every part of me is similar to all my other emotions. Having a baby hasn’t just amplified everything, like terror that he’ll stop breathing in the night, or joy when he looks into my eyes, or frustration when he cries and cries and I have no clue what to do. Having a baby has shifted the entire fucking spectrum of feelings and blown it wide open at both ends.
Thankfully, my mom is a more attentive grandma than she was a mother. And while Dru and I are still on shaky ground, I’ve been grateful for her help. Now that I understand she was just trying to protect me, always trying to protect me, I can’t hold onto the anger. But trust is another story. That will take time.
I shift on the couch, adjusting the C-shaped pillow around my middle that Kellan lays on while feeding.
The movement pulls Zeke from his phone, my legs over his lap.
“You okay?” he asks, and I playfully roll my eyes.
“I’m fine.” I poke his leg with my toe. I’m lucky to have Zeke. I’m fortunate it was Zeke that I chose the day I wanted to be reckless because he could not be more amazing.
But I wouldn’t mind if he was less jumpy. A doer. An action-oriented guy. The one who needs a job to remain focused and calm does not do well with how much sitting and resting that’s been happening.
Zeke has been struggling in my life and using that energy to wait on me, especially since his shoulder healed.
The life I grew up in is not a life Zeke was built for. He misses his family. He misses his shop. I might even go so far as to say he misses the snow.
“Areyouokay?” I return the question.
“I think so. Nervous.”
“For the flight?”
“Yeah. For it all. I mean, your mom has been awesome. Your dad even likes me,” he jokes, making a confused face, and I laugh.
My mom and dad haven’t agreed on anything in years, but seeing Zeke the day our son was born brought them both on board. No one was going to argue the man’s commitment after he took a literal bullet for my mom. After he supported my sister through the pre-trial for Lisa’s case.
We’re young, we fucked up, we weren’t thinking, we got ourselves into this, but as Zeke crawls up the couch to sit beside me and our baby clutches his finger while he feeds, I think of Tabby. How she felt Zeke and I were fate. Endgame.
I look at him, and he’s watching me with a small, thoughtful smile on his lips. With everything that happened between us, with my sister, with life, none of that matters anymore.
We’re heading back to Raston, at least for a while. We need to be closer to Zeke’s family so they can meet Kell. So Millie can have her cousin to play with.
Zeke leans forward and kisses me with that same wistful sigh that he did months ago in the shower, the one where he let me peek at his heart and soul. That door is wide open now.
“Love you,” he says and then bends to kiss our boy’s fingers.
Honestly, it doesn’t matter where we are or what we’re doing as long as we’re together.
Right now, that’s all that matters.
