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“Are you all right?” I asked, knowing full well she wasn’t.
She cleared her throat and tried to smile, but it didn’t touch her eyes. “Of course.”
I gave her a look. She avoided my gaze. “Something’s bothering you.”
Ellie pressed her lips together and started picking at the laces of her work shoes again. She tightened her arm around her knees, pulling them closer to her chest. “It’s nothing.”
My heart hurt for her, and I wanted to ask more questions. Sadness filled her eyes, and I wanted to help her in any way I could. But I also didn’t want to push her if she didn’t want to share. I knew how it felt when you’re not ready to talk about the thing hurting you most.
I bit back all my questions. “Ellie,” I started, considering every word. “I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. There’s no judgment here. Ever.”
Ellie’s chest spasmed, like she held back a sob. She turned her head to look out over the water.
I remained silent as I waited for her.
Eventually, she said, “Can I ask you a question?”
A cool breeze drifted from across the river, blowing silky strands of dark hair around her face.
“Sure.”
She met my gaze, her clear blue eyes guarded. “You came here from the city, right? Chicago?”
I nodded, stomach twisting. “Yes.”
She pulled a lock of hair behind her ear. “Well, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but why would you come here of all places? We don’t have much. You must be bored out of your mind. I know—” She took a deep breath. “I know you don’t like talking about yourself. It’s just strange. I’m glad you’re here—I truly am. I just don’t understand why.”
My pulse quickened, hands wringing in my lap. I gazed down at them as my mind spun. I didn’t know whether I was ready to tell my story. But I also still clung desperately to that flicker of hope. Hope for a new beginning. A new life. And I couldn’t make a new life without letting people in at some point.
I inhaled the fresh, heavy summer air. “I never felt at home in the city,” I began, surprising myself. “When I was younger, I was in the foster system for a time and never felt like I had a home.Not a real one, anyways.” I lifted my head, gazing at the river and the bridge in the distance. The bluff was a mighty rising wall of rock on the other side of the expanse of rippling water and I wondered whether I could recognize Atlas’s house from here.
“Eventually, I came to live with my paternal grandmother, and she was nice. But she fell ill after I arrived, so it seemed like I was always taking care of her instead of the other way around.” I shrugged, but the truth of the memories stung. A pang of grief for the little girl I had been, who never had anyone to take care of her.
“When I got to high school, I made some mistakes. Let people into my life who I shouldn’t have.” I clenched my jaw. I wasn’t ready to tell my whole truth. Not yet. There were some secrets I wanted to keep. “And so, I needed to get out. I felt trapped in the city, and I put everything I had in a bag and ran.”
There was a beat of silence. A warm hand grabbed mine. I turned, and Ellie’s eyes were glassy with tears.
“And you just left? Alone?” She sounded both stunned and very sad.
I blinked a few times, trying not to let my own emotions get the best of me.
“Yes. I don’t have any family or anything like that.No reason to stay.”
Ellie’s squeezed my hand. Her face pinched with pain. “Sometimes, even when you do have relation by blood, you have to find your own family.”
I almost smiled. She knew what it felt like to feel alone; I sensed that. “I had this foster mom once. She was one of the good ones. She used to tell me that God gave the lonely family. I think I’ve always held on to the hope of that.”
Ellie’s lips pulled up in an unsteady grin. “I think that He does.” She nodded. “Thanks for sharing that with me.”
“It was time.”
She glanced at the river too, the fingers of her other hand drumming against the arm of her chair. She opened her mouth, closed it again, then sighed.
“Ty and I have been friends for a really long time.” Her fingers stilled and she looked back at me. “We have another friend…I don’t know if you’ve met him yet, but his name is Knox. We’ve been a little trio since we were kids. Knox is struggling right now. Things with his family and his brother…” She trailed off, tearing up again before she shook her head. “I don’t want to get into the details because it’s not my story to share, but it’s been hard on all of us, I guess.”
I nodded, squeezing her hand back. “I get it.”
Ellie took a deep breath, patting my hand before she leaned back in her chair. “Well, I’ll tell you what, girl. I need some relaxation time. When’s your next day off?”
“I’m off tomorrow.”
Ellie’s eyes lit up and she clapped her hands together, chasing away her sadness as if it’d never existed. “Me too! We need to have a girls’ day out. We can go shopping if you want. My sister owns the cutest boutique downtown, and we can hit up the salon.” She leaned toward me, her excitement palpable. “I love my guy friends and all, but I never had someone to do fun girls’ stuff with. What do you think?”
I giggled—a real, actual giggle. “You know what? That sounds perfect.”
Ellie squealed with delight and threw her arms around me.
“I cannot wait.”
