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My body stiffened. I thought about those words, deciding that they weren’t true. I didn’t want to see this. It brought me no pleasure. I wanted justice for us, justice for Crew. Not to watch a man die a slow death.
But maybe, in a way, it was divine justice. Paying for your sins not by man’s hand but God’s. I wasn’t sure.
I forced my eyes to seek his again.
The smile had vanished. His eyes were narrowed, a brow cocked. “What? You think you’re better than me, kid? Too good to talk to me, that it?”
This man used to bring me such fear. Now, he couldn’t even swat a fly if he wanted to. I clenched my fists. Yes, perhaps it was divine justice.
I shook my head. “I don’t have anything to say to you.”
He moved his head slightly, and I realized he was shaking it. “No. You came here for something.”
A beat of silence passed and a word came to the surface of my mind. A question.
“Why?” I cleared my throat, horrified when my eyes started to burn as if tears were about to fall from them. I blinked.
My father, John, laughed, and my spine straightened at the sound. He hacked again, making my stomach flip.
“I never wanted kids,” he finally said. “But y’all kept on comin’. One after another. Kids aren’t good for much. They just take from you until they leave you. I didn’t have any use for you.”
My limbs went numb, as if my nervous system had been burned to hell. I wasn’t sure how I was standing. I’d known all my life that my father, John, wasn’t a good person. I don’t know why those words were so painful when I’d already known them.
“All I wanted was your mama, boy. The rest of you just happened.”
I dragged my eyes to him. At the mention of my mother, his expression cleared. It made him look slightly younger, a small glimpse into how handsome he’d once been.
“You killed my mama,” I said, my voice flat.
His face instantly crumpled into a scowl, the ghost of who he’d once been disappearing entirely. “Your mama was reckless.”
Reckless.
“She didn’t know how to stop even when I told her to.” He shook his head. “That ain’t on me.”
How was I related to this man? Had I truly come from him? Did his blood run through my veins? I blinked, wondering whether I was looking at my own future. Would I one day rot in my own misery? Destroying anything good I had ever had?
I shook my head, my chest so tight I couldn’t breathe. I took a step back, the room spinning as my thoughts clashed and ran wild inside my head. I needed to get out. To get far away from this man and never, ever return. I’m not sure what purpose this brought me but I’d had enough. I turned to leave, but he called after me, and I froze.
“Running away already? Don’t wanna stay and reminisce about the good ol’ days?”
My chest rose rapidly up and down. I gripped the sides of the doorframe, my fingers blanching against the cold metal. He chuckled again, a sound I wouldn’t forget any time soon.
“No,” I said, not turning to look at him. But I knew he heard me. “I’m not staying, but I’m not running away. I’m leaving you. I’m leaving you like you left us. Alone. Afraid.” I turned, glaring at him from over my shoulder. “Thank you, by the way.”
John frowned. “For what?”
“For throwing us away on the side of the road like garbage. Because of that, I found my real parents. They loved me and Ty, deeply. We were able to have a childhood. We grew up. We have lives. So, thank you. Leaving us was the best thing you could’ve done for us.”
With that, I walked out and slammed the door closed behind me.
