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As if he reads my face, his sharp tone breaks through my thoughts. “I wouldn’t lie to you about this, Irelynn. Yes, I made it no secret I wanted you.” He slows down the speed to a light jog. “I’ve always really cared about you, Irelynn. I’m aware that I may have gone overboard in the things that I did, but I always had the power to protect you at Anderson Academy. I wasn’t going to let anyone fucking hurt you.” His blue eyes are full of sincerity and his voice… it’s so adamant and passionate that I can feel his emotions, his protectiveness, all the way to my bones.
Swallowing hard, I look down at my sneakers, embarrassed for not giving him a chance to explain about that night at his party all those years ago. But it goes deeper than that. I judged him—harshly—assuming I knew what his motives were. And that was a mistake.
He continues, “I can tell you so many different stories and crude comments the guys made about you. You were the girl nearly all of them wanted, butnoneof them had good intentions. Yes, what I did wasn’t right, but by laying my claim over you, it kept you safe.” He gives me a pointed look. “Even after I graduated and went to California. Bryan was a year behind me, so he kept an eye on you for me, keeping you safe.”
I suck in a breath, not knowing what to say. Even after I accused him of something horrible, of sexually assaulting me while I was passed out, he had Bryan keep an eye on me.
I’m so lost in my thoughts, I don’t even realize he stopped the treadmill and got off until the scent of spice and woods circulates through me. His touch is so gentle on my face as he grips my chin, turning my face to his. “Irelynn, it’s okay. I can handle it. I’ve endured much worse… and though it hurt, I understood I’d brought it on myself. Many people have questioned my motives over the years. Sometimes they are right and sometimes… well, it’s a gray area. I wanted you, so yes, my motives weren’t entirely pure. But I honestly did not, and still don’t, want to see you hurt.” He pauses, swallowing hard. His eyes are soft as he says, “When you hurt, I hurt.”
Oh, fuck.
My heart squeezes inside my chest so hard it physically pains me. My hand slides to my chest, grabbing a fistful of my shirt as I stand there, breathing with him.
“I know I’ve been an asshole. That day against the building when I first returned… I was full of years of pent-up anger and resentment from the accusations you and Mike leveled against me. And when you first laid eyes on me outside the bookstore, all your happiness vanished and you…” His head bows and he drops his hand from my chin.
Swallowing hard several times, I see his Adam’s apple bouncing repeatedly, his jaw moving around. Finally, he meets my gaze. “You looked at me like I was a fuckingmonster,Irelynn. It gutted me.”
I can’t say anything to make it better. He knows why I looked at him like that. Stepping inside his shoes and seeing this from his perspective, especially since I fully believe that he didn’t assault me that night, the hurt that comes over me constricts my lungs, making it hard to breathe. My thoughts spin as I think about all those times I was so rude to him.
Tears spill down my cheeks as I throw myself into his arms, clinging to him. “I’m so sorry, Will,” I choke out, my sobs overcoming me, making it even harder to breathe. “I’m a horrible person.”
His arms tighten around me, and I hear a sob break free from his lips. His tears drip onto the top of my head. “You could never be a horrible person. It’s why my affection for you has been constant. Because you are the most amazing person I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing.”
We stand there, holding one another, releasing all the pent-up emotional distress that has plagued us for more than five years.
Finally, William pulls back slightly, his hands wiping the tears from my face. “Why don’t we let go of all the shit in our past and start fresh, judging one another for who we are now, rather than who we were?”
Giving him a watery smile, a slight laugh escapes me. “When did you become so wise?”
He chuckles. “I hide it well.”
I squeeze his arms, staring into his face. “This version of you is so much better. I much prefer the authentic Will to the overbearing, narcissistic William.” I stare at him intently, nodding. “I’d really like that. I accept the terms and conditions of starting fresh.”
He laughs. “Beautiful and intelligent. You are a rare and genuine person, Irelynn.” Wrapping me in his arms, hugging me, he releases a long, content sigh.
“You’re not so bad yourself, Will.” Pulling back, I gently touch his face. “Deep down, you are a good person. Don’t lose that in your world, okay?” My voice comes out lower, impassioned. “Please, promise me you won’t lose sight of that. Even if you inherit your dad’s businesses and whatever else you take over in the world.”
His boyish grin is charming as his blue eyes soften, becoming so light they resemble ice on a frozen pond. “Thanks for believing in me.” Stepping back slightly, he squeezes my arm gently. “I promise, Irelynn.” Clearing his throat, he jerks his thumb over his shoulder at the treadmill behind him. “Wanna keep running? Or did you work up enough appetite for Emma’s cake?”
A loud giggle comes from me. “Oh hell, I better put some more miles in or Emma’s cake will make me gain ten pounds.”
“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” He winks at me. “But let’s run anyway.”
Turning my treadmill on and warming up again, I hold out a fist. “Let’s do it.”
He fist bumps me. “Let’s do this, blondie.” Turning on his treadmill, he runs at a slower pace, and we spend an hour talking and laughing, like old friends.
Chapter sixteen
Irelynn
October9,2018,4:30pm.
William and I ate a huge piece of cake after our run, chatting with Emma and Bryan. I excused myself to go upstairs and take a shower, a strong desire to decompress overcoming me. A major sense of guilt runs through my veins, turning them ice cold from the sense of betrayal that runs through me.
Although nothing happened, other than William and I trying to put the past behind us, I feel like I’m betraying Max in some way. I can’t stop replaying my conversation with William in my head.
There’s a part of me that almost admitted that if William had shown me in high school what he’s showing me now, things could have been different between us.
