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I catch Darin’s eye, watching his shoulders shake from his suppressed laughter.
Seriously, this nurse just hit on me. No thanks, lady. I’m taken.
She drones on for what feels like forever, and I narrow my eyes, frowning at her as she keeps trying to flirt with me. I tug at my hospital gown, feeling like it’s choking me, and her eyes rove over my biceps.
Meeting Darin’s gaze, he comes over and grabs my hand, interrupting her. “It’s going to be so great having you back home again, baby.” He locks eyes with the nurse. “He makes the best food. I can’t wait to put a ring on it and make him my wife.”
What the fuck? I’m going to kill the bastard.
“Don’t you think we make the hottest couple? I mean, he’s good looking and all, but I’m so much hotter. Wouldn’t you agree?” He bats his lashes at the nurse as I try yanking my hand away. He grips my fingers tighter, meeting my gaze. “Now, dear, don’t be embarrassed. I thought you were out of the closet and told everyone about us?”
“I’m gonna fucking ram your head through the goddamn closet.” My jaw clenches and I grit my teeth as I stare daggers at him.
He releases my hand, swatting me lightly. “Now, dear, I don’t think ‘ramming’ is in the cards for us right now. You still need to recover, you know.” He looks at the nurse, a twinkle in his eye. “He justlovesmy ass.” He gives her a conspiratorial wink.
I glance over at her, seeing her crestfallen expression.
Dammit, Darin.
If I tell her we aren’t, then she’ll probably hit on me again. Turning my head away from her, I glare at him, my eyes narrowing. “I’m gonna kick your ass.”
“You’ll have to excuse him. He’s a little shy about us. And the medication he’s been taking makes him cranky.” He gives her a charming grin and the nurse smiles back at him, then turns her disappointed gaze to me.
Darin leans close to my ear. “Just play along, dumbass, and you’ll get out of here sooner.” He slowly pulls back, that stupid grin on his face that he thinks is charming. It’s not. In my opinion, it makes him look like a bigger douchebag than he already is.
I grab his sleeve, pulling him closer, as the nurse slides her chair away from the bed to look at my chart. Since she’s occupied, I hiss in his ear, “If you try to fucking kiss me, I’m ripping your damn nuts off.”
Darin laughs, pulling back and lightly slapping my wrist. “Behave, you naughty boy. You cannot lick my nuts tonight. I’m sure that behavior is prohibited with your injuries. Right, nurse…” Darin pauses, squinting at her nametag. “Robyn. What a beautiful name.”
She twirls a lock of hair, her face flushing slightly. “Thank you.” Her sad eyes turn to me. “Why are the hottest men always gay? I swear, every time I meet a really attractive guy, they—”
I cut her off, not able to stand it. “He likes the pole; I prefer the hole.” I point at Darin, then say, “I prefer my girlfriend’s—ow. Motherfucker, that—”
Darin pinched my arm, halting my words. “He’s referring to his ex-girlfriend. The one he had before he met me.” He lowers his voice to a whisper, leaning toward nurse Robyn. “Boy, was his girlfriend livid when he dumped her for me.” He drones on, but I tune him out, collapsing on my pillows and staring at the ceiling.
He’s such a fucking dickhead.
I tune back in when I hear him say, “His cooking is the entire reason I’m marrying him. I mean, he’s hot and all. Clearly, he has a banging body. But his cooking is what makes him an excellent wife.”
Rolling my eyes, I say, “The little bitch would starve if it wasn’t for me.”
Nurse Robyn’s eyes widen. She clears her throat, then stands. “Well, I’ll leave you two to your lover’s quarrel.” Lowering her gaze, she hurries from the room.
Darin howls with laughter as soon as she leaves. Tears stream from his eyes as he says, “I think we scared her away.”
“We? No, you, asshole. Although I hope we did.” I grimace, shifting in this bed. “I’m sick of lying in this motherfucker. The sooner I get out of here, the better. Now help me up. I’m getting dressed.”
Darin releases the side rails and I sit up, swinging my legs onto the floor. He stands there, his arms out to steady me if I need assistance, but I don’t.
“Where’s that gym bag with my clothes?”
“Relax, lover. I’m getting it.” He throws me a wink as he hurries over to grab it from the closet. When he returns with it in his hands, I stand there with my arms crossed over my chest, my brows raised.
“Are you done yet? Or do I need to ram your head through that goddamn closet,lover boy?” Uncrossing my arms, I snatch the bag from his hand, heading towards the bathroom.
“Geez. So testy. Those meds turn you into a little bitch.” He shakes his head, then his mouth drops open as I push past him. “Where are you going? Just get dressed here.”
“And risk getting molested by you? No thanks,wifey.”
