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My stomach roils, feeling like thousands of butterflies are taking flight inside it.
You can do this.
I focus on preparing for class, pulling my laptop and textbook from my bag. Despite my outward calmness, inwardly, I’m a wreck. My breaths fall out of me too fast, my leg bounces beneath my desk.
Try to distract yourself.
Irelynn immediately springs to mind, and a smile crosses my face. She is on my mind every moment I’m not with her, which admittedly, has only been several hours over the last three days. When I’m away from her, she’s all I think about.
A wry smile tugs at my lips. How ironic that I was singularly focused on my goals until I saw her. Since I’ve met her, everything in my world has changed. The tingle I felt when she first put her hands on me during my confrontation with William was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced in my life.
The electric jolt shoots through me every time we touch.
I’m not alone in feeling it. It’s evident that Irelynn feels it too. I see it in the slackening of her jaw and the quivering of her body whenever we touch.
Saying goodbye to her at her classroom door was so tough, especially when she sunk her teeth down on her pillowy lip, still swollen from my kiss. Leaning close to her ear, I inhaled her scent, telling her I’d see her as soon as class ended.
As soon as I pulled my hands away, the tingling stopped, and I felt bereft without her.
Glancing at the clock, I let out a long sigh, stretching my legs beneath the desk. One hour and fifteen minutes until I see her again.
Dr. Gregory enters the room, causing me to shift my attention to him. He is an overweight, short man with a thick head of brown hair. He’s wearing a tweed jacket and a paisley bow tie. When he takes off his jacket, sweat stains show under his pits every time he lifts his arm.
Glancing around, I take in the students surrounding me. It’s still odd being one of the oldest students in an undergraduate class. Not that a twenty-five-year-old is ancient. But to the twenty- and twenty-one-year-old students sitting beside me, they probably think I’m older than dirt.
It’s a small class of about twenty-five students, which is a far cry from class sizes at FSU, which usually run double to triple the class sizes at MVU. Once upon a time, I didn’t mind large class sizes, but now, the thought of being around that many people causes me anxiety. Of course, my brother’s growing addiction problems that had manifested into a raging fire and hailstorm had a lot to do with my inability to handle large crowds of students.
Random students at FSU had no qualms about plying me with invasive questions or giving their unabridged opinions concerning the messes Matthew was often involved in.
At least at MVU, no one knows me, and people generally seem to keep to themselves.
Strolling back and forth across the front of the classroom, Dr. Gregory begins talking about semester expectations and assignments and has us briefly introduce ourselves.
Once the introductions end, Dr. Gregory begins lecturing. My fingers freeze on my laptop as he discusses drug addiction and crime.
He’s not wasting any time jumping right in.
Without warning, I’m spiraling, my thoughts reeling as memories from my past overwhelm me. My shoulder muscles tense as my leg nervously bounces beneath the desk. My stomach churns and my insides quiver from the anxiety swelling inside me.
I need to deal with it before it gets the best of me.
I look out the window; my gaze focusing on the giant maple tree, roving over the colors of the bark, the emerald leaves, the squirrel clamoring from branch to branch with a nut in his mouth.
My foot stops bouncing after a few minutes, and my breathing regulates, so I tune back into Dr. Gregory’s lecture.
Fuck! He’s still talking about drugs!
I continue using these techniques, which helps to quell my anxiety before it becomes a full-on panic attack.
Thankfully, Dr. Gregory dismisses class early. I quickly gather my things, bolt out the door, and head to the vending machine to grab water. Twisting the lid off, I take a huge gulp, then another, until I’ve downed the bottle.
Tossing the empty bottle into the nearby recycling bin, I stride down the hallway, weaving around throngs of students. I glance at the time on my cell phone, knowing I need to meet Irelynn.
Irrational worries and worst-case scenarios circulate through my head as I hurry through Cooper, annoyance causing me to scowl as students stop suddenly in front of me to look at their cell phones or to talk to someone they know. Finally, I make it to the exit, pushing through the door.
My eyes scan the outside of Stevenson, but there’s no sign of William. I breathe a sigh of relief.
I dodge more students as I head down the hallway to Irelynn’s classroom door. Leaning against the wall, I take a deep breath, my eyes studying her. She twirls a long blonde curl around her finger, watching her professor as she moves across the room. Irelynn glances at her phone, a slight scowl crossing her face. But when her head turns and her eyes meet mine, a beaming smile lights up her face, all traces of her earlier frustration vanishing. My smile matches hers as I lean against the wall, hoping her class ends early.
