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“Gage. You did good tonight. Held your own and didn’t flinch with Brighton. Looks like this isn’t going to be as short-term as I expected. Think you can handle a few more weeks?”
I want to say yes but think of my family. My mom is used to me being in constant contact. We’re a close bunch and my absence will be obvious. But, I have to admit the way I’ve felt since being part of this team is nothing like I’ve ever experienced. This is why I wanted to be a cop. To be part of the change. To keep our communities safe. Can I sacrifice everything I’ve known for this life?
“Yeah, I can manage. When we’re done here I’d like to talk to you about something else.”
A slow smile forms on his face. Blake knows I’m going to ask for training. To be part of this team longer than a few weeks.
Part II
3 years later
Chapter 16
Sophia
Cold beads of sweat form on my forehead. The dryness in my throat begs for salvation. Yet, I can’t move a muscle to grab the water bottle just inches from my hand.
My Darling,
I have told you of my displeasure at seeing you in red. This is a whore’s color, Sophia. Imagine my surprise to see you chose that dress over the beautiful eggplant one that suits your skin tone so much more. My patience is running thin with your refusal to do as I say.
Rest well my sweet.
No matter how many times I read the typed words they never change. My mind swims with questions and worst-case scenarios. I was having such a good day too. Work was mundane and I didn’t have to interact with many people. I was able to get in three miles on the treadmill before other residents filtered into our building’s gym. It’s Thursday and Morgan always brings home takeout so we can watchTop Chefand pretend we could be chefs one day.
Red dress.
I only have one red dress. My eyes stare at the closet door. Behind that piece of hollow wood is a beautiful sundress in that vibrant color. I bought it for Morgan’s upcoming birthday trip to Florida. It has taken me months of work with my therapist to build the courage to take this trip. To leave my routine and go somewhere without my safety precautions.
Somehow he’s managed to taint this as well. As much as I have allowed people to tell me otherwise, I knew I’d never escape him. Regardless of how much I sacrifice of my life and even my sanity, he has the control. The upper hand. Three years of my life he has been one step ahead.
It’s why Morgan and I live in a secure building that costs far more than we can afford but my parents supplement. Why I don’t have an online presence or even a smart phone. My laptop has the highest form of security available. And still, he found me.
Every precaution for nothing. I’m not supposed to engage. I know that. Detective Randel has told me for years that if anything like this happens I’m not to respond. And yet, as much as I know this consciously, it doesn’t stop me from doing it anyway.
Please leave me alone. I don’t know you and just want to live my life in peace.
I hit send and close the lid to my laptop and twist the beads on my bracelet. It’s a nervous habit but better than the scratching I used to do when my anxiety peaked.
Other than exchanging weekly emails with my parents and going to work, I spend most of my time in this building. It’s where I feel safe. Where I believe I can move freely without looking over my shoulder.
Sure, it’s lonely and boring on a good day but emotionally I can only handle so much time outside and in crowds. I miss so much of my former life. Spur of the moment happy hours or hikes in the mountains are in the past. I long for days of errands and stopping to get a pedicure without wondering if someone was watching me or tracking my card transactions.
“Hey, buttercup!”
I startle and turn toward the door. My best friend stands in the doorway, her bare feet sticking out from the hem of her slacks and a wide smile on her face. Unlike my half-assed attempt to pull my hair in a ponytail, Morgan’s long blonde hair looks like she just left the salon.
“Why do you look like you just had a blowout?”
“Umm, because I did?” She cackles and I roll my eyes.
Now I don’t feel like such a slob. “What’s the occasion?”
She shrugs and leads me out of my room and to the kitchen where to-go containers are stacked on the counter. The aroma of ginger and garlic fills our apartment and I instantly feel better. Chinese food to soothe my soul. The email is pushed into a compartment deep in the back of my brain.
“No occasion. I left the office early and was passing that blow bar when a little voice said to me,“Morgan you deserve to look gorgeous. Go inside.”Plus I was on day four of dry shampoo and didn’t want to deal with that mess myself.”
A laugh pours out of me and while it’s not the funniest thing she’s said, it does the trick and soon I’m doubled over gasping for air while tears stream down my face. “Well if I’m that funny, I should take this show on the road. But first, sweats.”
