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My morning routine of yoga and reading the news online after a hot shower. He was watching. Curled up in my bed crying as I watched movies. He was watching. When my need for human contact overwhelmed me. After the loneliness settled in my soul and I needed to feel something and chased my own orgasm. He was watching.
“Sophia. Look at me.”
Gage’s hands cup my cheeks as he searches my face. I’m sure he sees the fear and humiliation I feel. Nausea begins to build as I struggle to breathe. My heart races and I can feel the tears falling.
“Sophia, come on, you need to take slow breaths. It’s okay. You’re safe. Come on, honey. You have to calm down.”
My hands grip his forearms as he continues to speak softly to me. His words are but a whisper as I try to concentrate on his mouth as he counts from one to ten. In my head I’m following along even if I can’t verbalize the numbers. Eventually, my heartbeat begins to slow and his face comes to focus.
“There you go. A few more slow breaths.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Don’t be sorry. If anyone understands what happened, it’s me. Never apologize for processing your feelings.”
Nodding, I take a few more breaths and release his arms. When I do, he drops his hands and stands, taking the cell phone with him.
“Give me a minute and we’ll head out, okay?”
He doesn’t wait for my response and leaves me alone on the couch. I can still feel the panic attack running through my veins. It’s better and I can focus on my surroundings but it’s nowhere near done. I need to get back to my room before it refires.
“I told Bobbi we needed to leave. Come on, let me get you home.”
Home.
Home is where you’re supposed to be safe. Where you go to escape. Do I even have one of those anymore? While those thoughts float around my head, I let Gage guide me out of the house and to his truck. The drive to The Bluebird is quiet and I’m grateful.
When we come to a stop on the side of the house, I release my seatbelt and lift my hand to the door. Exhaustion overwhelms me. How could a day that seemed so great end on such a depressing note?
“Do you want me to go in with you? Sit a while?”
I turn to face the man who for all intents and purposes is a stranger. I know next to nothing about him yet I feel like he knows me better than most people. He seems to know exactly what I need before I do.
Digging deep, I fight to give him a smile. It’s small but sincere. “I want to say yes but you’ve already done so much for me today. Thank you, Gage. For giving me a good day and for helping me through that call.”
“Good? Come on now, you called it great earlier.”
My smile widens at his attempt to lighten the mood. “It was great. Thank you again.”
He doesn’t follow me to the house, and for that I’m grateful. I don’t need him to see me break down again.
Chapter 28
Sophia
Dear Me,
How long can a person survive without a decent night’s sleep? How about eating? If I had a computer I could do an online search. But I don’t have one. Maybe I never will again.
I hoped when I talked to Detective Randel he was going to tell me he was close to closing my case. Wishful thinking. Instead, I found out the creep who has been stalking me was using my webcam. Technology is a remarkable thing until it’s not. I’ve never felt so violated.
At some point in our call, I zoned out. Thankfully, Gage was there to get the details.
Gage. I’m not sure how I would have made it through yesterday without him. It was easy to spend the day with him. He’s a calming presence. Maybe it’s because overall, he’s quiet. A man of few words, with him I feel like my former extroverted self. It’s like he opens a portal to former me. Plus, he seems to know what I need before I do.
He stopped by this morning but I didn’t answer. Maybe I will the next time he comes back. And he’ll be back. With his serious demeanor and worried eyes. Big chocolate brown eyes that assess and look into my soul. He sees my fear in a way nobody else does.
That’s why I avoided him. I want to live in this bubble of not reliving everything that’s been happening or what is to come for a little longer. There are too many of my own questions I need answers to.
