AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Swallowing down the building emotions, I whisper, “Thank you. I’d say the same about you.”
Gage’s eyes fixate on me. They move from my eyes to my mouth and back again. The glow from the fire illuminates his profile and highlights the golden flakes in his eyes.
“You said you would talk to me about what almost happened the other day when you were ready.”
“I did.”
Nerves settle in my gut and my heartrate speeds up, waiting for him to say something. I know it’s me who should do the talking but no matter how many times I practiced what I would say, the words don’t form. I could tell him I long for human contact. That I miss being held. That I’m scared feelings are developing and he may not reciprocate. Or that my bigger fear is that the feelings aren’t real. They’re a result of our circumstances.
“I see.” His voice is quiet and I hear a hint of disappointment as he turns his attention back to the fire.
Touching his arm, I pull his attention back to me. “I like you, Gage. All of our days together have been so amazing. That day in the rain, I looked at you and something shifted for me. You weren’t only my friend. I wanted you to kiss me. God how I wanted that.”
I take a breath and exhale. “But I was afraid. I am afraid. I don’t know how to maneuver through all of this. I’m questioning everything and have no answers. How do I know this isn’t some weird savior thing? What if deep down I want to be saved and am projecting that onto you?”
Gage sets his beer on the ground, then takes mine to join it. There they are, at the base of the pit, side by side. Like how we’re sitting. He turns to face me. The look in his eyes is intense. Piercing. Shifting slightly, he lifts a hand and cups my cheek.
“You accused me of having a hero complex once. Maybe my complex is supposed to save you.”
“I don’t want to be saved by someone, Gage. I need to save myself.”
“And you are. Every day that you wake up and don’t let that asshole win, you save yourself. Each time you take a step outside and let the world experience you, you’ve saved yourself. I believe that. I’m fucked up, Sophia. My soul has darkened and my mind is a muddy mess. You deserve better.”
There is pain his words. An admission fueled by sadness and guilt. I can hear his battle in the words he chooses and the way he struggles to say them, but it’s the way he looks at me that solidifies my observation.
I lean into his hand as I lift mine to his face. “One of the things I realized while I was processing everything is that I need to learn to live in the moment. If I don’t do that, I may miss something great.”
Gage slides closer, his hand slipping behind my head. As he leans in, my heart beats faster and a bolt of excitement shoots up my spine. Anticipation for what is about to happen makes me giddy. But the first brush of his lips on mine takes my emotions to another level.
I let him take the lead and guide me. His hands hold me in place as he tilts his head, and I melt into him. The first slide of his tongue to my lips disarms me. I’m no longer warm from the fire. What I feel inside is all from this man. This beautifully broken man whose soul I understand with every touch of his tongue.
A quiet moan from deep inside my throat must signal something, because Gage tugs me closer. The kiss intensifies and I want to touch him. I need more of him. Pulling back, I release my hold and stand so I’m between his legs. Now he is looking up at me for a change. My hands slide over his shoulders and loop around his neck.
“That was something great.”
Gage laughs as I lean down and press my lips to his.
Chapter 36
Gage
Holding her in my arms feels like a dream. As we lie on my bed in the dark, my mind is changing. The battle usually taking place is dulled. Never gone. Somehow I doubt I’ll ever have true peace, but here with her, it’s only a whisper. Sophia called our kiss great, one of the moments we would miss if we didn’t allow ourselves to be in the present. To accept who we’re becoming instead of who we’ve been.
Kissing Sophia by the fire was one of the most terrifying moments of my life. Taking a chance that could change everything. We’ve built a friendship, and seeing her has become more than a habit. It’s necessary. In that moment, I couldn’t second guess my need to touch her.
We sat together with our hands linked and her body pressed to my side and let the fire burn until it was nothing but embers. My suggestion to move inside was accepted without hesitation and since this place is the size of a postage stamp, we had no alternative but to settle on my bed to keep talking.
“Tell me about your job,” I say.
She releases my hand and flips so she’s facing me. Her leg is draped over mine and there’s a look of mischief on her face. With a smirk she suggests, “How about if we trade facts. You must answer the same question you ask.”
I open my mouth to point out that I didn’t ask a question when her finger lands on my lips.
“Or a statement that could also be considered a question, which leads to the exchange of personal information.”
“Damn you should be a lawyer the way you reworded that, leaving no loophole to be found.”
“Nah. I’ll stick to numbers. That’s what I do. Work with numbers.”
