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“And yet, you went. You joined the task force and moved away from your family. Part of life is also facing bad situations. What you were doing was important work, Gage. Your team was essential in bringing down one of the largest illegal enterprises in the Pacific Northwest. Do you have pride in that work, or do you only see the moments you missed? You can’t save everyone, Gage. You are not responsible for everyone’s safety and well-being.”
“I never said I was,” I bark.
She doesn’t flinch at my raised voice. Instead she lifts the corner of her lips to a knowing smile.
“But with Sophia, it was different. You didn’t feel an obligation to save her. There was no history there, so the urge was simply because you cared for her. In fact, in the few times you’ve been willing to speak of her, you told me of her bravery. Her blooming confidence and how much respect you have for her. Yet, for months you have refused to reach out to her. Why is that?”
“Doc, you give me whiplash jumping from topic to topic. Why haven’t I reached out to Sophia? Because she’s living her life in Seattle. There are so many things for her to experience for the first time because of that bastard. She doesn’t need me to check in on her. She’s living life.”
“And you aren’t? You can’t say hello to her and catch up on that life you mention? Why is that? Did you not care for her?”
Care for her?I fell for her hard and fast, but I had to let her go. I couldn’t ask her to stay. I didn’t need to make a big declaration or make promises I knew I could never keep. Not because I’m incapable but because she deserves more. When she left Starlight Ridge, I followed up a few weeks later. I looked up her address and drove to her apartment, but I didn’t go inside. Instead, I watched her walk up the street with who I assume is Morgan. Her head was thrown back as she laughed and there was no sign of stress or worry on her face. She looked happy. I didn’t want to ruin that for her.
Instead, I pulled away from the curb and drove to Enzo’s shop. I added a new piece before going to the station and officially resigning from the force.
Chapter 46
Sophia
Two weeks later...
When I set out on this hike I had high hopes. This was the same trail Morgan and I frequented in college, and I assumed it would bring some familiarity. Instead, it’s only reminded me of Starlight Ridge. Not because it looks anything like the hikes Gage and I took. In fact, it is the opposite. There are no wildflowers or perfect spots for a picnic.
No Gage.
There’s no Gage in Seattle. Well, at some point the actual Gage was in Seattle. At least according to Enzo. During my last session, he told me stories of his friendship with Gage and his family over the years. I didn’t let him see me cry during those stories. It wouldn’t be fair to him to know that every tidbit made me miss the man even more.
A couple walks toward me so I step to the side, letting them pass. They remind me of hiking with Gage. Yesterday when I woke up to use the restroom before sunrise, I couldn’t go back to an empty bed so instead I curled up in front of the window. The sun rose and I watched the sky transition to various shades of yellow and blue. I missed Gage.
Pushing myself forward, I’m determined to see this hike through to the end. When I get to a turnoff, I allow myself time to reflect. Coming back to Seattle has been more difficult than I expected. I thought it would be like coming out of a bad dream and things would easily fall into place. They haven’t. Sure, it’s nice to have streaming services and a smart phone again. I feel free walking down the street.
But there is no bar like the Rod and Reel. Bobbi and Joan aren’t here to tell me random stories or embarrass me with their ability to freely talk about anything and everything. There are no mornings drinking coffee on Gage’s porch or watching him make me breakfast.
Just like we talked about, life went on without me, and somewhere along the way I think I moved on too. Beyond the life I was living even before Dillinger.
My mom hears my restlessness when we speak on the phone. She sees it in my face when we video chat.
Sitting here isn’t going to change things, so I push up and move back down the path. Maybe a little time with a book will help. Not a romance, that’s for sure.
When I arrive home, there is a note on my door from Mr. Paulson across the hall. I shuffle to his door and tap twice. When he opens the door, opera music floats into the hallway.
“Hi Mr. Paulson. I got your note.”
“Well come on in, I put it over here on the table. Don’t mind the mess, I’m trying to make my own pasta.”
“And the opera?”
“I thought it would set the scene. Really it’s kind of obnoxious, not knowing what people are saying.”
He walks over to where his phone sits and taps a few times before the music stops. With a sigh he drops the phone back down and motions me over to the table. A medium size box sits on the table, a familiar scroll on the address label.
“It’s not heavy, but I can carry it over to your place if you like.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I can manage. Thanks for keeping it.”
“You’re welcome. If the pasta is edible I’ll bring you a bowl.”
Thanking him again, I lift the box and carry it across the hall to my apartment. Once inside, I place it on the table before dragging myself to the shower. After I’ve conditioned my hair, exfoliated my limbs, and let the water go from hot to warm, I step out and towel off.
