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The hike may not have been taxing, but I’m tired nonetheless. Wearing a pair of sweats and a tank top, I pad into the living room and grab the box. Its contents could be anything, considering the sender. Joan joked once that she was going to mail me dirt from The Bluebird so I’d never forget. I kind of hope it is. I’d love to place a little piece of Starlight Ridge in my apartment.
I tear off the tape and open the flaps. A notecard sits on top of different packages.
Dear Sophia,
I miss you. Do you miss me? The Bluebird isn’t the same without you. You promised to visit, and I’ve seen neither hide nor hair of you, and it’s been MONTHS!
Now that my guilt trip is over... inside this box is a little bit of what you missed this past summer. Huckleberries! Bobbi and I went harvesting as we always do but it was slim pickings. When I was in Serenity last, I went by a little store that is all huckleberries. Everything from soap and lotion to jams and chocolates; the store is like a piece of heaven. I hope you enjoy everything I chose for you. Also, there’s something special in this box for you to discover.
Be well, sweetheart.
Joan
Sniffling, I wipe my face after a few tears fall. I miss Joan. The Bluebird may take a little longer for me to not miss. I forage through the box and smell every lotion, soap, and candle. Not one to pass up a good piece of candy, I pop one of the chocolates in my mouth and savor the flavor. Then I see the surprise Joan mentioned.
An envelope with my name on the outside. With the box on the floor, I pull my feet to the couch and slide my finger under the fold of the envelope. A piece of paper is wrapped around another envelope. When I unfold the paper and see the sender my heart soars.
Sophia,
I’m going to apologize for my penmanship before I write anything else. It’s awful, I know.
I have a confession. I miss you. More than I thought I would. Or even more than I thought possible.
How are you? Did you finally experience the downfall of society? It’s also known as binge watching television shows. Tell me you’ve at least spent one weekend holed up doing that.
Anyway... I mentioned being in therapy a time or two. You may be surprised to know I continued with that after you left. Some sessions were harder than others, but once I let the process work, I had what Dr. Vail calls a breakthrough.
In this envelope is another letter. As part of my therapy I had to write a letter to a friend of mine. Martin Vargas was part of the task force too. He became a good friend and someone I looked up to. He passed away. After the job was done, we all scattered. Needing alone time to process everything, it was days before we met up. When Vargas didn’t show I became worried and went to his place.
I found him, Soph. With a piece of rubber tied around his arm and a needle sticking out of his arm. An OD. The son of a bitch OD’d on the same drugs we spent years trying to get off the street. I’m pissed. At him. At the world. Just pissed.
This letter was part of my therapy. I assumed Dr. Vail would read it after I gave it to her. She surprised me and told me to share it with the one person I trusted most. That’s you. I trust you not to judge me and not force me to explain more. Thank you for being that person.
I hope you’re living your life to the fullest and every day is a new experience.
Yours,
Gage
I reread the letter two more times. I hear his voice in each word. It makes me miss him even more. The trust he has in me with this letter is overwhelming, and such an honor I don’t take lightly.
With my face wiped clean, I open the next envelope.
Chapter 47
Martin,
Did I ever call you by your first name the entire time I knew you? I have tried to remember just one instance but keep coming up blank. Why is that? How is it we spent years together having each other’s backs and I never used your first name?
Is it because I never really knew you? None of us did. You put on a hell of a show for us, but in the end you deceived us all. Do I sound angry? That’s because I am. I am so angry with you. Fucking pissed, Vargas. When did you start using? Why?
What did I miss? Why didn’t you confide in me? I would have been there for you. I would have helped you get clean. You didn’t let me, and I am full of guilt, Vargas. Overwhelming guilt.
You were my best friend, and I didn’t help you. I didn’t save you. I couldn’t save you. Why didn’t you let me? Dammit, I am so angry.
There is so much I want to tell you, but you aren’t here. You should see this town I now call home. That’s right, I left Seattle. I’m the new deputy sheriff in Starlight Ridge, Idaho. We’re a small town (read: microscopic town) but it’s home. The people are welcoming and it’s quiet here. I can almost pretend life is normal.
And there’s a woman. I met someone. Sophia is perfection. Of course, she would hate me saying that but also appreciate the compliment. Not only is she the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen, she’s kind and smart. Life wasn’t kind to her over the last few years and maybe that’s what drew us to each other. No matter the reason, she changed me. It is because of her I’m writing this letter. If she knew about you and how pissed I am, I know she’d tell me to be honest with you. So here I am, being honest.
