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I smile. She has no idea how much comfort that gives me. Not all addictions impact a shifter’s ability to shift. Heroin, does, though. It’s as though we have biological protection against withdrawals forcing involuntary shifts. I guess that’s part of why if a shifter is going to be a drug addict, heroin is a popular choice. You have to clean and detox from that crap in order to shift.
The reason that’s a comfort to me is that it means my sister never stopped thinking of herself as a shifter. I wonder if Angel knows she’s a shifter. I decide not to broach the subject now. “We’re going to need to get some things for you,” I say.
“Mommy’s never coming back, is she?” Angel asks. I feel tears well up when she does.
I want to lie to her, to comfort her. I can’t. “No,” I say. “But I’m going to take care of you.”
She nods. “I know. Mommy said when she didn’t come back you would come to take care of me.” She looks at the television and then she looks at the plate. She looks at me and says, “Mommy was very sad. She said she didn’t know when she wouldn’t come back but you’d take care of me.” I don’t have any idea how to respond. She finally asked very quietly, “Is Mommy sad still?”
“No, Honey,” I say. “She’ll never be sad again.”
She smiles for just half a second before her bottom lip quivers and she says, “but I’m sad, Uncle Raymond.” As she burst into tears, I gather her in my arms and focus on comforting her instead of giving in to my own grief.
Angel cries for a long while and when she finally sleeps, the show about meerkats is over and a different announcer is excitedly explaining that instead of changing clothes, snakes change their actual skin. I shut the tv off and carry Angel to bed.
I plan to head to my own room and release some of my own grief, but the doorbell rings, and I remember that Kelly’s coming over today. I take a deep breath to steady myself, then answer the door.
“Hi!” Kelly says brightly.
Beneath the bright exterior, I can see the compassion in her eyes and I know she’s being cheerful for my sake. I invite her in, and we quickly get to work on the shopping list.
“We’re going to wrap up the essentials today,” she says. “Clothes, blankets, toiletries, all that stuff. We’ll also get Angel a toy she can cuddle with. It helps kids her age who have lost parents.”
She pauses a moment and I remember her own kids lost their father when they were not much older than Angel.
“I can’t thank you enough for all your help,” I say.
“You already have,” she says, kindly but firmly. “Enough of that, now let’s focus.”
She peppers me with questions about Angel—what kind of food she likes, toys, games, etc. When I mention meerkats, she gets excited but doesn’t say why.
When we’re done with the list, she turns to me. “Now, let’s talk about final arrangements for Rose.”
I feel a wave of grief threaten to overwhelm me and Kelly puts a hand on my shoulder and says in the same gently firm tone, “Head up, Raymond. You can do this.”
I nod and she helps me phone a mortician who agrees to pick Rose up from the hospital and transport her to the home that evening. I agree to stop by the next morning to go through the paperwork.
After we hang up, I hear Kelly say, “Hi, sweetie!” and turn to see Angel walking downstairs rubbing her eyes.
She stares mistrustfully at Kelly and I say, “Angel, this is Miss Kelly. She’s going to help me learn how to take care of you.”
“And—” Kelly interjects, reaching into her purse. “I brought a surprise for you.”
When she brings her hand out of her purse, Angel’s eyes fly open with excitement and my own mouth drops open in shock.
“Meerkat!” Angel exclaims, reaching for the stuffed animal and hugging it tightly.
“How in the world…” I begin.
Kelly smiles at me, then looks at Angel. “Can I tell you a secret?”
Angel nods and Kelly leans over and whispers in her ear. Angel’s mouth drops open in surprise and she says, “Meerkats are your favorite, too?”
Kelly nods. “Yep! I think they’re the most adorable animals in the world.”
When Angel smiles happily at Kelly, I have to turn around to hide the tears that well in my eyes. The tears come for two reasons. Of course, Kelly’s happiness is a big part of it. More than that, though, the fact that my sister not only taught Angel what we are but taught her not to advertise it… Angel won’t even tell a non-shifter her real favorite animal. I guess it makes me realize my sister wanted desperately to be the mother she needed to be.
The doorbell rings and Kelly says, “That’s the babysitter!” She turns to me. “I hope you don’t mind. I called her over to watch Angel while we shop.” She turns back to Angel and asks, “Would you like to meet my friend, Julia?”
