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“Can I stand in line, too?” asks a squeaky voice. I glance over to who I assume is little Mia. She’s every bit the beautiful five-year-old Kier told me about. Now, if she mentions Fruit Loops, I won’t be able to contain my laughter.He was exaggerating, right?
I search for her father, Leith, whom I’ve spoken with over the phone. A tiny drum of trepidation ignites in my heart as I watch him heft a one-year-old from the backseat of a rental. Their son’s younger than Arika had been, and I plan to dodge his chubby caramel cheeks this entire reunion. My heart bottoms out as I again search through the crowd for the other new addition to the MacKenzie family. I’ll dodge Camdyn’s child too.
I feel exceedingly worse when Chevelle lets go of Mia’s hand so she can join what has turned into a reception line. She steps up with a warm smile. “I’m Chevelle. Are you okay with being touched? Some mommies like hugs, some don’t.” Though smiling, she looks pointedly at Knox and James, who’ve taken Kieran’s suggestion to heart. Those two ooze charisma just standing there.I know who the class clowns were in their high school.
“A tiny hug’s fine,” I reply. Although still nervous as more of Clan MacKenzie exits their rental cars, the collective warmth of everyone energizes me.Que gran familia!I silently thank God for them all and pray that my heart grows for the better because of them.
* * *
We break bread with most of the MacKenzie boys and cousins while reacquainting with familiar faces, including Gowan. The only person missing is Jamie, who stayed behind with someone affectionately called Uncle Nolan.
Now, I’m sitting alone on the furthest end of the dock. My bare feet sway over the subdued waves below. I’m counting the mussels that have worked their way up the wooden pillars when a shadow falls on me. I glance up at a young lady with dreadlocks, who I thought was supposed to be pregnant.
“Willow, right?”
“I take it you learned all our names.Office Maxdidn’t run out ofsticky notes?” She settles down.
Grinning, I nod. “I hustled a few more atOffice Depot. Hey, your stomach’s so flat!”Oye, what if something happened.Ava, you idiota!
“You thought I should be fat and preggo? Nah. Camdyn ran all the baby fat off me at six weeks. Literally, my psycho fiancé had a knife in his hand, chasing me, but I smoked him, though.” She sighs then laughs. “Just kidding! Man, the look on your face.” Willow continues to laugh. “I’m a runner, and Cam encourages me. He knows it helps clear my head.”
“Oh, well, you look great.”
“Thanks.” We’re quiet for a moment when Willow speaks again. “So, don’t be mad, but months ago, Kieran quietly disclosed to Camdyn that you guys were expecting too. Cam has the baby bug so bad. He bought out the entire Buy Buy Baby store for our kids. Little Camryn’s six months today. Nan brought a birthday cake. Just so you know, shewillcelebrate every month—with a cake and presents—which is why Kieran quietly told us about you. Nan would have been at your house, celebrating every pregnancy milestone, going to every doctor’s appointment.” Willow smiles. “It’s not so bad. Nan means well. Shelovesbabies.”
While a seagull swoops out over the open sea, I contemplate how I’ve yet to display Kieran’s level of enthusiasm, or anyone else’s for that matter, over our baby.
“You need a therapist?” Willow asks.
There’s something about her deadpan tone that brings me to life with genuine laughter. “A couple of sessions.”
“I’m one year in, psych major. But listen,” Willow slathers on the dramatics, “the way this family is set up, I technically have a PhD.”
“PhD, huh?”
“Girl, yes. We’re a good family. We’ve all been through some shit.”
“That a psych theory? The shit we’ve endured?”
She falls out laughing. I follow, holding my stomach until tears leak from my eyes. As we come down from the natural, jubilant high, Kieran’s seductive scent rouses my nostrils.
Willow climbs to her feet. “Time for me to check in with the bad Cam and the good Cam. But before I go, I wanted to tell you that my dad’s fam is from Barbados. I personally wanted to thank you for this suggestion. We’re island hopping at the end of the week. We’d love it if you guys joined us. Oh, and pregnancy suits you. The glow—everything!” The smile she flashes me speaks depths, as if she’s read my mind. This young woman is wise beyond her years. She’s going to make a great psychologist.
Once she strolls away, I pat the wood plank next to me.I’m taken aback by the fire in Kieran’s voice as he asks, “Should I kidnap you, Ava? Too much, too soon?”
“God, I love you,” I murmur, beginning to rise, but Kieran yanks me up to him.
Insistent, he clasps my jawline. “Ava, is this too much?”
“Kier, I’m telling you, I love you more than I can stand. This is a rarity. Shhhh. Let my love for you sink in.” My head falls onto his shoulder, words dissolving into a moan of pleasure and peace. Kieran always brought me to ecstasy, but nothing compares to the feeling of contentment in his arms. After a while, I look up from my place, nuzzled at his chest, offering a questioning pout. “I said ‘I love you.’ What’s the universal response, Kier?”
“I’ve loved you as I pointed afeckinggun to your head, little bird. You’ve some room for catching up, yeah?”
Taking a tentative hand to my abdomen, I nod—lots of room for catching up.
His hands drop onto the backs of mine. We’ve never held our little one, not quite like this. Usually, he’ll place his head on my stomach, affectionately listening in. But the look in Kieran’s eyes now and the sag of his shoulders, he might as well be saying, “Please love ourweanwith the same ferociousness.”
Iwantto love our child. However, I feel like if I give my heart to her that it is a betrayal to Arika. I don’t know how to get past that.
