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six
scarlett
Eleven Years Ago
“Gross, Theo!Getthat out of your mouth.Ugh.” I pull out a handful of cat food kibble from his drooling lips and flick them up onto the table.
I lean forward on my knees and tap him on the nose.“You act like I don’t feed you.” My tone sweetens as I look into his watery blue eyes.“Come here baby,” I coo as he toddles his tiny little body onto my lap.I stand and carry him over to the kitchen countertop and shove the mail aside for the package of baby wipes.Taking one out, I clean out any remaining pet food from his mouth.
“Geralt doesn’t like you eating his food.” I grab another wipe for his hands.He snuggles into my chest, my heart expanding as he lays his head on me.I enjoy the feel of his downy hair under my fingertips before my chest grows warm.
Lifting him back, I note his flushed cheeks and runny nose.“Oh, bubs, are you sick?” I sit us down in one of my kitchen chairs.
Heat radiates from his tiny forehead as I palm his face.Crap, he has a fever. As if on cue, he begins to cry, tears leaking from his eyes and rolling down his chubby cheeks.
“Okay, sweet thing, let’s get you comfy.” I keep the stress from my voice.I’ve battled plenty of colds with Theo since he was a tiny infant, but this mama's heart hurts every time.
Back in his room, I change him into pajamas with a fresh diaper, and settle down on the couch with a full sippy cup and the TV turned to his favorite cartoon.
Two hours later, my frazzled nerves spike and I break down, calling Greyson at work.
“He won’t stop crying. Snot is flying everywhere.I think I have it in my hair and his fever is one hundred and one degrees!” The pitch of my voice rises, and I can’t conceal the desperation anymore.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay. Umm, give me ten.I’ll end this meeting and be right over.” His soft voice calms me a fraction.
“Hurry.” I hit end, tossing my phone to the couch, and stand up with Theo, rocking him back and forth, attempting to soothe his incessant cries.So helpless, I’m on the verge of tears myself.
Just as Greyson walks through my front door, kicking off his boots, Theo coughs and gags, throwing up all over me.Both of us wailing, I head to the kitchen, the swell of my bile threatening to boil over.
“Ah geez, buddy!” He jogs past the island and grabs a washrag from the drawer and turns on the warm water.Over the cries, he shoots me a pained expression as Theo utters some babble, trying to speak through a stuffed-up nose.
Greyson takes him to his room to clean him up, allowing me to sit and try to calm down my overworked nerves.
Theo’s quiet and Grey tucked him under a blanket on the couch before striding into the kitchen.Snagging another clean cloth, he runs it under water and comes back to sit next to me at the table.
“He’s going to be okay. Just sounds like a nasty cold.” He gently wipes away the sticky child vomit from my collarbone.His wavy brown hair falls into his face as he concentrates on his task.
“Ew, is that a green bean in your ear?”
“Gross, get it out. Get it out!” I pause when he uses his pinky to dig out whatever is in my ear.He chuckles as he wipes it on the rag.
“Thank you,” I whisper, grateful for his help.“I’m sorry I called you in the middle of your meeting.”
He tosses the cloth in the sink, basketball style, and pulls up the chair beside me, turning his earnest baby blue eyes down at me.“Don’t ever apologize for something like that.Theo’s sick and you needed my help.Jemmy stepped in to cover for me.”
The weight of the day and the last couple of years pile onto my shoulders and crush me.Sobbing, I burst through the tears.“I feel like such a failure. The only thing I’m good at is being Theo’s mom and even then, I can’t calm him down while he’s crying his eyes out and sick.” In between gulps of air, I hunch my shoulders and palm my eyes,the tears spilling through my fingers, the salty taste bitter on my tongue.
Greyson’s arms come around me and pull me close—close enough to smell his comforting woodsy scent and feel the soft texture of his T-shirt.“You’re the best damn mom to Theo, and if he could spell it out for you, he’d tell you the same thing.That kid loves you so much. We all love you, Scar.I know it’s been tough coming out here with me, uprooting your life in New York, trading skyscrapers for mountains.”
He sighs and kisses my temple, coding a simple phrase on my back, soothing me with his fingers.“I’m so grateful you agreed to do it, though.As selfish as it is, I couldn’t have done any of this without you.”
Nodding into his chest, I say, “This has been your dream for so long, there was no way I could ask you to stay in New York.Too many bad memories there.”
He releases me and lifts my chin to swipe away the remaining tears on my face with his thumbs.“What do you need from me? Tell me and I’ll do it for you.Anything at all, because I need you to know I don’t take for granted what you sacrificed to come out here.You’re my best friend. I need you happy, too.”
I wipe my hands on my pants and hiccup. “I feel so lost.Even back home, I didn’t really have it all figured out.I mean, I knew what type of career I wanted and while I enjoy working at True Light, it… it feels like something is missing.Even with you and Theo and the friends I’m making here, I still feel like something isn’t right.”
He leans back in his chair, a pensive, severe expression on his face.I hate talking about this with him because he shuts down and takes all the blame on himself.I’ve reassured him countless times coming out here to Montana while he started SoS was a smart decision.Theo needed us working together as parents, not apart, and certainly not in other states.He’s hurting from losing Preston and reminds me every chance he gets that he’s grateful for me.I’m still hurting from losing Preston, too.The feelings for him faded, no matter how abrupt our ending was.Break up isn’t the right word. There was no discussion.He left, and it forced me to cancel all the wedding plans on my own.He didn’t fight for me, so how could I cling to any hope?
