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His brows furrow deeper and his mouth turns down, but I grip his chin tighter once it dips, keeping his searing eyes on mine. “Haven’t we punished ourselves enough? I refuse to live in the past and so should you.” The words are stern and powerful. Gaining strength, I orient my gaze beyond the mountains and forests toward where I know SoS sits and continue, my voice braver, making him align with me, pointing at the distance.
“I could never hate you. Look at what you did, what you created. That place is magical. Your clients love you. They love what you do for them. That’s no easy feat.”
I guide his torn face back to me and anchor him with my stare, willing him to truly listen to me. “You did all that and beat your addiction. You’re raising an amazing son. He’s just like you, you know? Strong, fearless, sweet, and charming. He didn’t get any of that from me.” I huff out a small laugh, holding my hands to my cheeks, bearing the feverish burn from the conversation. “And you helped me discover my love of helping others through horses. Who would’ve thought this little New Yorker would be out riding beasts in the wild, wild west?”
The wind picks up, swaying the trees back and forth, bringing the scent of fresh roses from the large concrete flower pots outside the restaurant. For a long beat, we’re silent, the gurgling of a nearby fountain and murmurs of passing people our only sounds. Another quiet pause before he laughs softly, his dimple finally making an appearance under the setting sun, warming my heart.
There he is.
“But you look so good doing it, darlin’,” he drawls, edging closer to me, forcing me to step back. Blood roars in my ears and my pulse jumps in my throat once I catch a glimpse of the impish glint in his baby blues and that crooked grin he likes to send in my direction.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my feet on shaky ground, not sure I want him to come any closer, yet wondering why he’s still so far away.
The warring thoughts interrupted once my back thumps off the brick wall behind me and Grey’s body presses firmly into mine, his arms on either side of my head, effectively caging me in.“What I should’ve done a long time ago, Scar.”
He leans his forehead against mine and I close my eyes, bracing myself, my hands wanting to pull him closer, yet wanting to push him away. This is both thrilling and overwhelming. Dangerous, yet wanted.
“You’ve made me realize it’s time for my confession.” His warm breath skates across my face and I hold mine hostage as he continues, the timbre of his deep voice almost a whisper. “I can’t pretend to be your friend anymore. I can’t fill that role because I’m desperately in love with you, Scarlett Rhodes. You’re it for me and have been for a very long time. You stun me with your beauty and slay me with your grace and compassion for those around you. So many people gave up on me, left me to fight my own demons with not even a sword to defend myself. Except you. You never abandoned me. Ever. I will never forget that.”
The world stills as his words, his proclamation flow out of him like healing waters. My soul stutters, drinking it in, absorbing his pure love as if it’s the only thing keeping me alive.
The roaring and pulsing in my ears intensifies as he brings his knuckles to my cheek, softly grazing my skin. “I understand this is big and a huge risk, but I couldn’t go any longer without telling you. I’m going to kiss you—really kiss you, so if you don’t want this, you better tell me now.”
My heart jerks uncontrollably in my chest and before I can process his demand, tender hands cup my face, and his mouth gently slides over mine. His lips press in, more insistent, and my body acts on its own accord, opening to him, swallowing his groan, and arching into his hard frame with an escaped whimper.
He pulls back an inch, speaking over my lips with the gentlest of grazes. “I’m sure this is overwhelming for you and I’m so sorry. I haven’t been able to think about anything other than us and that fucking kiss on my porch. Accidental or not, I haven’t gotten it, nor you, out of my head. For years you’ve lived there.”
I believe you’ve lived in mine, too.
Dipping his head once again to cover my mouth with his, he moves his hands from my face and as one grips the back of my neck, the other snakes around my waist, splaying long fingers along my spine, leaving no conceivable room between us. I feel every plane, every contour of his hard body, how much he wants me. Electricity sparks in my system, and for a moment, I allow myself to get caught up in it, in him, in the way he makes me feel, and the way I mold perfectly to him. Like magic, I bloom under his touch, unfurling to him like a flower to the sun, drinking in his mountain scent and curling into his embrace. My mouth opens and accepts his inviting tongue, letting it sweep and caress mine with an utmost tenderness edged with a line of tension. If I let him, he’d devour me.
My head catches up with my heart and I pull away, my eyes pinging back and forth between his, my breath gasping and heaving from my lungs. “I—I don’t know what to say? What about Rowan?” I choke out, watching the crease deepen between his blue hues.
“Just a friend. She’s known about you since we went to speed-dating. Hell, she knew I had feelings for you before she even met you. Goddamn psychic’s been pushing me to tell you how I feel. I’m introducing her to Tia at the gala. She’s not interested in me, nor I her. I want you and only you.”
A million little thoughts float like fireflies in my mind, lighting up, only to dim. I gently push him away, my fingers still gripping his shirt, and cup my mouth, the sensation of his lips on mine imprinted for eternity.
He loves me.
Isn’t that what I wished for? Someone to love me for me, all my imperfections and flaws? To see me? And here he is, right in front of me, laying his soul bare. But my mind can’t get past the roadblocks to let him in. To give himmylove.
“Scar?” he whispers, brushing back my hair and tucking it behind my ear. “Talk to me. Tell me what you’re thinking?” The desperation strains in his voice. He’s as terrified of this as I am.
“I don’t know… if I can do this—us. There’s too much at stake. There’s… Theo and what if we didn’t work out? I—oh God, I don’t know.” My voice trembles and doesn’t sound like my own.
He swallows, and raw fear reflects in his eyes. “Look, I’m scared shitless too, but I had to tell you. You deserved to know my feelings about you. I could be reading the room wrong, reading nonsense in everyone else’s words. Lord knows I’ve fucked up so many things in my life, but… I think you have feelings for me, too.”
Those new feelings are so jumbled up inside. I have to step away from him and let the tears rain down my cheeks. The overwhelming anxiety and what-ifs ripple, sending my tender nerves into spasms, my body shaking under the pressure.
I love him too. I know I do—it’s as fresh as the powder on the mountains, fragile like the snowflakes we’ll see this winter, breakable by the one person who matters more than anyone.
Our son.
“I need time to think, okay? Can you give me that?” I manage to get out, wiping at my wet face.
He rakes a hand through his hair and nods, the pained expression wrinkling his eyes. “Yes, of course. I sprang a big one on you. It’s only fair.”
We stand there, the sun finally on her way behind the buildings, the space between us growing larger and larger with each passing minute. What should’ve been a rapturous occasion is wrought with tension and unknown futures.
I shuffle on my feet and look up into his face, watching his features contort with all the emotions on the spectrum, but I can’t attend to them now. I have to attend to mine.
“I’ll text you later?” It comes out weak, and he winces like I’ve physically hurt him.
“Anytime.”
Relieved I drove separately from Kellen, I walk back to my car, fighting more hot tears, fighting the urge to race back to him and confess my own feelings, but I can’t. I’ve already decided to keep them locked up for the sake of our son, and although Grey has the power to smash the latch wide open, I don’t know if I should let him.
