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“You don’t pay meenoughto listen to your terrible jokes, young man.” Shelby winks at me under his bushy white eyebrows. Overall-clad legs crossed at the ankles with work gloves clutched in his wrinkly hands across his rotund stomach, and a faded cream Stetson, paints the picture of his typical attire.
Chuckling, I lean back against the barn wall, breathing in deep the scents of sweet hay, cherry wood, and, well, shit. God, these cows and horses smell nasty. Not sure I’ll ever get used to it, no matter how long I work here. Montana is vastly different than Manhattan where I grew up. Just ask P. He has stories.
“You like my terrible jokes.”
“I take it you didn’t come here to tell me jokes though, did you?” He taps my leg with his glove.
I sigh. “Shelby, it was a rough day. I couldn’t be alone, and Theo’s gone for the night. I found a full flask in the closet.”
My feet meet the dirt as I stand and scratch Rebel’s muzzle through her pen. Her hot breath blows out across my skin as I glide over her soft brown coat.
When I started SoS, I had no clue I’d crave the time I get with these animals, nor the positive effect they’d have on my emotions. No idea it would lead to Scarlett finding her passion, her career.
Beating addiction is an everyday fight. There’s no magic cure, no potion to take. Those around you can offer pamphlets, internet searches, personal opinions, and advice, but nothing will work unless you alone decide to make it work. I am not the addiction, but it didn’t mean the temptations truly left. They still lurk, waiting to strike at my weakest moments. Each step away is difficult, boots in the mud, battling the will of your mind vs the pull of your body. Only I could allow the addiction to break me. And then I alone could control it, embrace the darkness in me. I had to learn to love the good and the bad parts of me to succeed. Because if I didn’t, I’d lose everything I hold dear, and that wasn’t acceptable.
After one last nuzzle with Rebel, I return to my bucket, watching as Shelby patiently waits for me to continue. He’s like a father to me, even more so since I lost mine. Never judging, only supportive with the occasional tough love I need to kick my ass into gear. He knows my history with alcohol and never hesitates to make time for me if I need to let off steam or work through an issue. More of a lifeline than my sponsor.
“I didn’t drink any. I dumped it.”
“Good. Want to tell me why today was rough?” he asks in a gentle tone. No wonder the animals love him—his voice is as soft as a teddy bear.
“It’s Scarlett.” I blow out a deep breath despite my chest begging to hold tight the control I feel so badly slipping away.
He cocks an eyebrow, the white caterpillar saying more than his silence.
“Yes, I know, I know. But I went a little overboard, I think.”
“Don’t tell me. You followed her on a date?” He smirks, the indent in his cheek a crater.
“That was one time,” I protest. “I learned my lesson after my ear hurt for a week from the hold she had on it as she dragged me from the movie theater. No… this is different. I bombarded her and told her I loved her.”
Cloudy blue eyes reach his receding hairline. “Oh yeah? You’ve only been in love with Miss Turtle for the past century. ’Bout time you made a move.”
I scowl. “She told me she has to think about things. She’s worried too. Theo, maybe more, I don’t know, but she kissed me back before she bolted.”
“You kissed her, and she kissed you back?” Surprise and maybe a hint of amusement passes his face.
My face heats a thousand degrees. “Yeah.”
“Ahh,” he muses, running his hand along a white whiskered jaw.
“What does that mean? Ahh?” I turn my whole body in his direction, resting my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands.
He bops me on the head with a glove. “She cares about you too, but she’s just as unsure about it. You two are not all that different.”
“My timing was way off. Kellen blew up at her in the middle of the restaurant because he’s a goddamn idiot and then she was telling me all these great things and I couldn’t help it. I’ve scared her off. Fuck.” Tossing my hat, I dig my hands through my hair. “I knew this would change our friendship, me being impulsive, taking a chance without really knowing how she felt.”
Stretching out a tan hand, he waves away my worry. “Now, listen here, son. Take it easy. Risks are a part of all relationships.”
“But this is more complicated. We have Theo. He isn’t some innocent bystander. He stands to lose a lot if Scarlett and I aren’t on the same page.”
He nods, his rheumy blue eyes contemplative. “What doyoustand to lose if she doesn’t come around either way, as a friend or more?”
“Everything.” With sandpaper for a tongue, my voice is hoarse and dry. “I want to take it back, the kiss—rewind it all.” Saying that rips the tender flesh around my heart. Lies, all lies.Thatkiss was more than I imagined.
He shakes his head. “Did I ever tell you about my wife and I and how our relationship began? I don’t talk about her much because those memories are for me and keep me company when the nights are long, but I think you need to hear it.”
My back brushes the wood of the barn as I force myself to settle in and listen.
