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16
Nick sat by his father’s hospital bed, holding his hand.
People came and went.
They smiled at him softly, sympathy clear on their faces.
He hated it.
Dad looked the same.
There were no changes.
He hated that too.
“You were going to tell me something yesterday,” Nick said suddenly. Gibby looked up at him warily from across the table in the hospital cafeteria. If Nick closed his eyes, he could almost pretend they were at school having lunch. Seth would be by his side, Gibby and Jazz across from him. Owen would be stealing food, grinning wickedly.
“What?” Gibby asked. She looked over at Jazz, who shrugged. They’d brought Nick his homework after school, but Nick didn’t care about that.
“Yesterday. In that supply closet. Before Officer Rookie came in. You said that you were tired of all of this. That there was something you had to tell me. What was it?”
Gibby looked away. “I don’t remember.”
“You don’t?”
“It doesn’t matter, Nicky. Wasn’t important.”
Nick didn’t believe her.
There was a knock at the door, startling Nick from watching his father’s heartbeat on the monitor.
“Come in,” Nick said hoarsely. He reached up and wiped his eyes. It was probably Becky coming to tell him who the night nurse would be. She said it’d be someone new, but that she’d introduce them at the shift change. They didn’t care if he was crying. They probably saw it a lot.
But it wasn’t a nurse. It was Martha Gray.
Nick stood, suddenly embarrassed. He didn’t know why. “Hi. Um. I didn’t know you were coming.”
Martha smiled respectfully, purse clutched in front of her. “I hope you don’t mind. Is it okay that I’m here? I can come back later, if you want.”
Nick shook his head. “No, it’s okay.” Then, with his heart thudding faster, he looked behind her, wondering if Seth had come too. If he had, maybe things would be different. Maybe he wouldn’t have to go through with what he’d planned.
He wasn’t there.
Martha’s smile faded. She looked grief-stricken. “Only me, I’m afraid.”
It hurt. A lot. “Yeah,” Nick said. “Sure. That’s fine. I mean, it’s just my dad, right?”
Martha took a step forward. “Nick, you have to believe me when I say he wants to be here. Probably more than anything in the world.”
“Then why isn’t he here?”
“Sometimes, there are things bigger than our wishes or desires.” She closed the door behind her. Nick looked away as she walked around to the other side of the bed. She blinked rapidly as she set her purse on the windowsill. She turned and stared down at his father before she reached out and took his hand in hers. She reached up and brushed a lock of hair from his forehead. “How is he?”
“The same.”
“When will he wake up?”
“No one knows. Tomorrow. The next day. Someday.”
