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Nick was saved when Dad pulled up to the curb a couple of spaces down from the Gray house. He was already out of the car and running up the pathway before Dad had even come to a stop. Pounding on the door, he shifted from one foot to the other, glancing back at Dad, who was stepping out of the SUV and demanding Nick answer his questionright this second, and that he shouldn’t be looking upanythingabout penises.
“Oh mygod, Dad!” Nick bellowed. “Would you stop shouting about penises in public?” What the hell was taking them so long to answer the goddamn door?
Dad reached him before anyone let them in. “You’re wearing a dead magician’s suit to prom. Nothing I could say could possibly embarrass you. I have something for you.”
“Would you stop calling it—ooh. Present. Give it.” He held out his hand, wiggling his fingers.
Dad reached into the pocket of his slacks, something plastic crinkling as he pulled his hand back out. Slacks. Weird. And a button-down. Nick frowned. Why was Dad so dressed up? When he wasn’t at work, Dad was a jeans-and-shirt sort of man. Before Nick could ask (a brief thought, dangerous and bright: what if he had adate?) Dad dropped whatever he’d pulled from his pocket into Nick’s hand.
For a second, Nick thought it was a wet wipe wrapped in plastic. Or candy. A mint to keep Nick’s breath fresh? It certainly didn’t feel like a mint. And there were … three of them? All squishy, almost wet, like it was … like it …
No. No, no, no.
Nick’s eyes bulged as he stared down at the condoms in his hand. “What,” he whispered, “in the fresh hell isthis?”
“Just in case,” Dad said as if he hadn’t blown Nick’s mind, and not in a good way. “I don’t know what you and Seth are going to get up to, but it’s better to be prepared. Always wrap it. They’re also lubricated. You’re welcome.”
Unfortunately, the next words out of Nick’s mouth were, “But we’re both virgins!”
The skin under Dad’s left eye twitched. “That doesn’t matter. Use condom sense, Nick.”
Nick slumped against the door, legs wobbly. “Did you—did you just make a dad joke about condoms?”
“I did. And I regret nothing.”
“Dad,no.”
“Dad,yes. Don’t be an idiot, kid. It doesn’t matter if you’re virgins or not. Get used to needing condoms. The sooner you get that through your head, the sooner you can have something in your—”
“Remember the touching moment we had back at home when you cried and then we hugged?”
“You mean twenty minutes ago?”
“I take itback,” Nick said savagely.
“Oh no,” Dad said. “Anything but that.”
“Why is no one answering the damn door?” Nick growled, shoving the condoms in his pocket. He banged his hand on the door again, hoping they hadn’t been overheard. Nick almost wanted to tell his father that he and Jazz had already gone and bought condoms last weekend just to see the look on his face, but the less said about that adventure, the better. Suffice to say, it’d ended with Nick throwing crumpled money at the startled clerk at CVS before fleeing, box of condoms in hand. Unfortunately, the automatic sliding doors hadn’t opened as quickly as Nick had been running, and Jazz said she’d never seen someone bounce off glass so hard before. Not one of his prouder moments.
“Hold your horses,” Nick heard Bob call from inside the house. “I can only move so fast, my goodness.” The door opened, and Bob grinned out at them. “About time! Everyone else is already here. Come in, come in. Aaron, nice to see you. Nick, you look—” He choked as Nick stalked inside, suit glittering. “Wow. Nowthatis a suit. Good lord. I don’t know what statement you’re trying to make, but you sure are making it.”
“Thank you,” Nick said. “That’s very nice of you to say. The color of my lapels is called eggplant, according to the clerk at the suit rental place.”
Bob recovered as he shut the door behind him. “The girls are getting their pictures taken. Figure when Seth comes down, we can get a few more before we head out.”
“‘We’?” Nick asked. It was only then that he noticed that Bob was a little more cleaned up than usual. Gone were his overalls. Instead, he wore a pair of khakis and a nice sweater that hugged his shoulders. “What do you meanwehead out? Dad’s dropping us off at the restaurant, and then we’re taking a Lyft to prom. Where are you going?”
“You didn’t tell him?” Bob asked, glancing at Dad.
Dad shrugged. “Figured it’d be better if I told him here. That way, he wouldn’t yell at me because we’re at someone else’s house.”
“Oh boy,” Bob said, gazing intently at Nick. “Okay, I want to see the look on his face. Go ahead.”
“Dad?” Nick asked. “What’s he talking about?”
“Nothing big,” Dad said. “You won’t even know we’re there.”
That didn’t sound good. “Know you’rewhere?”
