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Guardian tapped the side of his helmet again. “Did you get that?”
“We did,” Jazz said. “We didn’t know if there was going to be more like there normally is. Don’t you usually say something about diseased hearts and the writhing morass of—”
“No time!” Guardian cried. “It’s time to take out the—no, I can’t use that one, because I already used the wordtime.Dammit. Okay, hold on. I’ve… almost… got… it. Just… one… more… second and—ah!” He squared his shoulders. “You want to try and take jewels that don’t belong to you? See how well you do when Ikickyou in the jewels!”
He waited for thunderous applause.
None came.
Guardian deflated slightly. “Oh, come on, really? That was awesome.”
“Is that what we’re considering awesome now?” Gibby asked. “My bad. Gay gasp! You’reso goodat this superhero thing. I’ve never seen such a—”
“I hate everyone,” Guardian mumbled.
Seth slid on his own helmet, the lenses flashing an ominous red as he too came online. “Lighthouse, this is Pyro Storm. We’re going in. Be ready. It’s time to burn.”
“What the—Iwrotethat catchphrase. Why does it sound so much cooler than mine? I demand you come back and give me compliments about kicking thieves in the jewels!”
Apparently, some vents weren’t built big enough for people to fit inside easily. After they saved the dayagain,Guardian decided the next bit of Extraordinary business would be to propose a citywide mandate that all vents be made larger so certain situations (such as the one Guardian was currently in) could be avoided in the future.
“Shove my assharder,” he said, the pressure against his shoulders and chest from the surrounding vent causing him to wheeze. His legs dangled out into nothing, kicking empty air. He’d wanted to fly up to the vent on his own, but aside from the one time he’d floated after jumping off a building (long story), he hadn’t quite got the hang of flying. Or floating. Or even jumping really high.
Guardian sucked in his stomach, wishing he didn’t have ribs. Pyro Storm pushed him again, and just when Guardian thought he’d be stuck forever, he shot forward, the top of the vent rising slightly to give him more room. He was able to pull his legs inside, and rose to his hands and knees, back bumping against the metal above him.
“I’m in,” he panted. “Lighthouse, would you—Oh, crap, sorry. Sorry.”
“What happened?” Jazz asked.
Pyro Storm groaned. “He kicked me in the face.”
Guardian squirmed a little farther into the ductwork to givePyro Storm room to climb in after him. “It was anaccident.It’s not my fault I’ve got long legs like a dancer.”
“Yeah, no,” Jazz said. “I’ve seen you dance. For a queer man, you dance like your joints are fused together.”
“That’sbullshit,” Guardian snapped, sweat trickling down the side of his head to his ear. “How dare you perpetuate harmful stereotypes about queer people and their ability or lack thereof to shake their asses in a way that suggests sexiness. What’s next, you’re going to comment on how well I dress?”
“Have youseenyour clothes?” Gibby said.
“Gibby!”
“Yeah, yeah. You need to turn right… there.”
The ductwork opened up off to his right, and Guardian crawled through it, Pyro Storm close at his heels. Guardian paused, panting, wishing he could use his powers to make the vents wider. Just a little push, and he could walk in a crouch instead of on his hands and knees. But that would make too much noise and give away their position. He couldn’t take the chance. Not with the villains somewhere below them.
“Left,” Gibby said in his ear when he came to another opening.
“On it,” he said, turning left and crawling as quietly as he could. Which, of course, meant that his knees hitting the metal sounded as if a herd of cows was running through a swap meet that sold nothing but highly breakable glass figurines.
As they continued on, Pyro Storm spoke behind him, whispering, though his voice came through clearly from the speakers in Guardian’s helmet. “We counted four of them. Armed. What should you do to avoid getting shot?”
“Don’t engage them face-to-face,” Guardian whispered back. “If we can come from above, or behind, it’ll give us a chance to take them out without a shot being fired.”
“Correct. Even if it takes a little longer, it’s always worth it to avoid any potential injuries or loss of life. What if there are innocent bystanders? Say, a security guard they’ve taken hostage. What do you do then?”
“Protect them at all costs,” Guardian replied, his excitementbuilding once more. “They’re the first priority. The jewels are most likely insured, and it’s better to save people than rocks that some weirdos put value on because they’re shiny.”
“Right. People first, property second, though we need to remember that if there is any kind of damage done, someone has to clean that up, and we don’t want to make more work for others if we can avoid it.”
