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“I just want it to be good,” Nick whispered, uncomfortable, but knowing this was a necessary conversation. “What if I’m bad at it?” So bad, in fact, that Seth would never want to do anything like that with him again. He might even reconsider their entire relationship. Why would Seth want to stay with someone who sucked at sucking?
Seth shrugged. “Then you are. I will be, too. But that’s how we learn, remember? It’s almost like training to be Guardian. You’re getting the hang of that, right? Because of all the practice we’ve been doing. It’ll be the same with this. Just have to learn the ins and outs.” He narrowed his eyes. “And don’t make that dirty.”
“Too late,” Nick said. “Because hopefully, there will be in. Then out. Then in. Then out again. Thenallllthe way back in—”
Seth jostled him slightly. “Nick. I’m being serious. If we’re going to do this, I need you to promise me that if I do anything that you don’t want, you’ll tell me.”
“I will,” Nick promised. “If you do the same for me.”
“Deal,” Seth said, smacking a kiss on the tip of Nick’s nose before taking a step back, dropping his arms. He glanced at the computer, the wordENEMAon full display. “Bottoming seems like a lot of work.” He coughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Guess I really hadn’t thought about all that goes into it.”
“I could’ve made that dirty, too,” Nick said. “But I didn’t. You’re welcome.”
“Thanks,” Seth said dryly. “You’re all heart, Nicky.” He stepped around him and went to the bed, picking up the discarded instructions, frowning as he read, lips moving silently.“Seems pretty straightforward,” he said finally, looking up at Nick. A vein throbbed in his forehead. “Is this… something you want help with, or…?”
“Oh god,” Nick mumbled. “Dude, I love you, but I donotwant you to see what comes out of me if I use that thing. It’ll probably be some Lovecraftian horror better left vanquished down a drain.” He slumped on the bed, laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. “Gay sex is stupidly complicated. Damn heteros with their multiple options. I bettheydon’t have to worry about enemas and fecal penis.”
“I don’t think that’s quite true,” Seth said, dropping the instructions and crawling on the bed next to Nick. He mirrored Nick’s pose, their faces inches apart as Seth clutched his hand tightly. “But just to be safe, let’s not ask anyone because the only straight people we talk to are your parents and my aunt and uncle.”
Nick shuddered. “Thank god we have the internet.”
Seth laughed, the sound bouncing around the room. “I can’t believe your dad bought you an enema kit.”
“Right? I don’t know what the hell he was—you know what? No. That’s… actually pretty damn cool, if you think about it and are able to ignore how embarrassing it is that mydadtried to teach me how to give myself an enema. How many queer kids have a dad who’d do something like that for them?”
“Probably not many,” Seth admitted. “He’s a good guy.”
He was. Even if it felt like torture to talk with Dad about sex, Dad only wanted him—and in turn, Seth—to be safe. He couldn’t imagine a life where he didn’t have Dad in his corner. Without Dad, Nick wouldn’t have survived when Before became Af—
He frowned. Those words again. Shaking his head, he said, “What are you doing here? Not that I don’t mind you popping in my window unannounced and causing me to squirt poop cleaner on my face, but—”
Seth groaned. “Why would you call it that?”
“That’s what itis!”
“I know, but we don’t have to keep saying it, Nick. Show some tact.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I offend your delicate sensibilities? Here, let me make it better.” He rolled over on top of Seth, who settled his hands on Nick’s sides. Nick swiveled his hips, and Seth’s fingers dug in hard enough to leave bruises. “There. How’s that?”
“Good,” Seth said through gritted teeth, one of his curls bouncing on his forehead. “Jazz wanted help with her essay, and Gibby and I weren’t getting much done.” He huffed out an irritated breath. “IfOwen is here, he’s staying low. I don’t like it. He’s always been about the theatricality of it all. It makes me nervous that he hasn’t showed his face yet.”
“He did,” Nick reminded him. “To Mom.” A pause. “Or, at least that’s what she said.”
Seth eyed him for a moment. Then, carefully, as if he thought Nick would snap at him, “You think she’s telling the truth?”
“I don’t know. If she made a mistake, that’s one thing.”
“But if she didn’t?”
“Then she lied about it.” There it was, now out in the open.
“We’ll tread carefully,” Seth said. Seth was intuitive in ways that he would never be. “Keep our eyes and ears open.”
“That can wait until later,” Nick said, knowing he was deflecting but caring very little about it. Everything was too hazy, too wild, and the only thing that made sense was the guy underneath him. “We should probably take advantage of our current situation. I hope you’re ready to swallow tongue, because I’m gonna stick it down your throat.”
“Gross,” Seth said with a grimace. “But let’s do it anyway.”
And so they did.
