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“He reminds me of Ativan,” Autumn stated.
I smiled. “I told Ativan that.”
Her head whipped to me. “What?”
“When we spoke in the healer's quarters that day. I told him about Bereille and how I thought they would get along. AtivanknewBereille. They had been stationed together on Savine’s eastern border patrol once, back when Bereille was a Knight. They patrolled and trained together for two months before being assigned to separate locations.”
It was why Ativan and I had bonded instantly. It was one reason I couldn’t go into Geva with Autumn. I didn’t think I was ready to see Ativan, someone with the same honor and integrity that Bereille possessed. It was hard enough being around the light that was Autumn.
I had lived in the dark for so long that I didn’t think I deserved to be near anyone's light. I had none to offer. Autumn caught on when I looked away in shame, as she always did.
“Bereille would be proud that you’re doing something now, Sahlyn. Don’t disregard his memory by losing hope.”
How did she always know what to say? It was uncanny and a little infuriating.
I said nothing. Even as night descended and Autumn secured one room with two beds at an inn, I remained silent. I had to search within myself to find any semblance of illumination left so that I could even manage this journey.
We made excellent time at a good pace throughout the next two days until we finally reached Cashore. We didn’t dare to stay in the city for fear someone would recognize us, so we skirted to the east and found a decent village. Unfortunately, it didn’t have an inn, but someone mentioned we could rent a room for the night at a large estate on the outskirts of the town.
The older couple who owned it were friendly, and the house was lovely. Their son and daughter-in-law had recently moved out, having built their own home, and the older couple could use the added income of a nightly traveler. I tipped them well, and the woman pestered out of Autumn her favorite meal. Fresh rosemary bread and meat pie—which the sweet woman was more than happy to make.
I’d never seen a woman eat as much as Autumn did that night. I don’t know where her slim stature put all of it. Perhaps in her very round ass, always nicely on display in the breeches, she wore. Not that I had paidthatclose attention.
Between our bedrooms was a shared den. It had a roaring fireplace, bookshelves, and worn, comfortable furniture. The area had a homey atmosphere that beckoned the weary to rest a while.
Being in that communal room in Autumn’s company sang to my soul in a way nothing else had ever done. The charming domestic atmosphere swept a feeling of sorrow through me for what I may never have. This was something I hadn’t experienced with another person who was not my family. I had never just existed amicably in a commonplace, doing nothing but being companionable, before. The harmony did things to my soul I had not expected. To find true peace in a time like this was unforeseen, and I tried not to bask in it, for it would not remain like this for long.
Autumn was sprawled across a chair with a book in her lap. Her hair was out of its braid and still damp from her bath. It had a pretty wave and fell over her shoulder, spilling against her breasts tantalizingly. My breath caught in my throat just looking at her. She wore a loose blue tunic that dipped low to reveal the curve of her breasts and comfortable pants that were a size or two too large for her and I knew weren't hers. She looked like the picture of contentment, and my heart burst with the desperate need to keep her looking that way. To keep feeling companionable and at ease.
I sat on the floor with maps of Catalan strewn in front of me. I was searching for Mondu, so I knew what I was getting us into, but so far couldn’t find mention of it in the books or maps that these folks possessed. Calculating how long it would take us to get through the Winterwood and into Dunvar was a challenge, too. I knew my way around the wood, but I had never traveled straight into the base of the mountains. Few ever accomplished it. I didn’t tell Autumn that. Let her think there was hope for us ever completing this quest. We were dead anyway—how it happened didn’t matter so much. She was right; at least we were trying.
“Tell me about the queen. About living in the palace.”
Her words pulled me from my melancholy thoughts. I glanced at her and her curious expression. It did not forbid discussing such things in the deal I’d made with the queen, but I never got close enough to anyone for those questions to arise. So I was silent for a long moment, and she shrugged.
I went to open my mouth, but she cut me off with another question.
“She has magic. Do you think she allowed magic into Catalan again?”
I raised my brows and met Autumn's curious gold eyes. The contract had let me speak about magic before, but I wasn’t sure how much it would allow. “Magic is no longer—"
“I don't need a history lesson, Sahlyn. I’m simply curious.”
“She has magical items, and she has this pull. A magnetism draws you to her and makes you want to do her bidding. It feels like dark magic. Her mirror is sure as fuck dark magic.”
I watched Autumn's expression, but there was no contempt or shock, just curiosity.
“Do you think her magic has slipped into Catalan?”
“How so?”
“Well, deals are made with magic.”
“That’s… true.” I hadn’t thought about it, but she wasn’t wrong. All bargains and deals were bound to the soul magically. I hadn’t considered it magical because it was my norm now. But it was undoubtedly a form of magic.
“Do you think she could have leaked enough for other people to gain magic?
Where was this coming from? “I don't… think so. But I'm not sure how magic works, honestly. Magic never ran in my family, even centuries ago, so I know little about it.”
