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At least I would die having accomplished what I had set out to do.
Golden light washed over me, and Cabro’s whispers of safety reached my foggy brain.What was he saying?What was I safe from?
My thoughts were dizzying. My eyes fluttered behind my shoulder to Sahlyn. He was just stirring. Thank the Goddess of the Beyond that Sahlyn would be okay. Then my eyes landed on Iro, but the bird was no longer on the stone floor. Thank the Goddess for that too.
Thank the Goddess for everything in my life.
I continued expressing gratitude to Cabro, Esme, Deven, and everyone else in my life. Then, I vaguely heard Argen scream and Esme’s broken sob.
The green mist continued to curl around Amira in a dark whisper. It smelled of sulfur and decay.
Amira’s eyes wept with fear and couldn’t widen any further. “What have you done?”
I sent her a sneer. “I’ve ended you, Amira. Ended your vile reign.”
Her eyes flickered, the light in them fading. “You foolish girl, you’re dying too.”
“Willing sacrifice,” I claimed weakly.
My blurry eyes found their way to Sahlyn, who hadn’t opened his eyes yet.“Sorry, my love. Sorry for not telling you sooner. I know you will hold my death upon your shoulders, but please know I did all this without regret. I would do it all again if it meant saving you. You were my death and my salvation. I wish…”I moaned weakly as more light erupted around me and pain lanced up my side.“Sahlyn, I only wish we would have had more time. Time to venture into the next chapter of our lives, to make good on our promises to each other.”
I swallowed hard and felt myself slipping into darkness, but still, I stared at Sahlyn’s bowed head, that thick tawny hair, and I remembered the feel of it in my fingers. I remembered our shared moments, the sweet and passionate, and I mourned what we could have had. The tether between us was undeniable, and I would hold it and take it to the Beyond with me. I would remember his strong hands guiding me, his muscled frame against mine, and his deep voice whispering that I was beautiful.
Sahlyn had made me feel worthy. He had made me feel cherished, desired, and everything a woman should feel from her lover. Sahlyn had made me feel free.
I had always thought tying myself to a man would feel like a cage, but Sahlyn had given me the wings tofly.
I felt hands on my shoulders and briefly focused on Argen’s panicked face. Argen’s fingers prodded inside my vest against the wound that no longer hurt. I lifted my hand to touch his face, but it fell weakly to my side.
“Love you, dwarf.”
His response was garbled as my lids drifted shut.
“Take care of…” My throat stopped working, but with my last breath, I said, “Sahlyn.”
I knew what I was doing. I had known that by delivering a killing blow, I, too, would take one.
Answers
They put her in a glass coffin.
I find myself in the same spot over and over, staring into the glass at Autumn’s pale skin, the plush lips that are too lax, the earthy brown hair in its usual braid with the red ribbon I had given her in it, and the dwarven necklace still laid between her breasts. She looked like herself… but not. Autumn had been so full of feisty energy and stunning expressions that this lifeless version of her ached my heart and tore my soul. I had not wanted to admit what I felt for her was love, that my slandered heart could feel such a powerful emotion as I did for her. I had tried to tell myself it was affection and adventure, but that wasn’t the case. Someday I may forget the things she said, but I will never forget how she made mefeel. She had said she loved me, and I hadn’t said anything in return. I had known then my feelings for her but to express them in that throne room seemed too poignant, too exposing to the queen.
But now…
Now my contract and everyone’s in the castle was done, the threat to the dwarves gone, war was over, and the wicked reign ended. I hadn’t loved the queen; lust and infatuation, nothing more. I tried to stop my feelings from manifesting with Autumn, but they had anyway. It was like holding water in your bare hands or stopping the tides. The ebb and flow of water were inevitable. Sure, artificial structures could dam it—so could my affection been halted by time and distance—but that had not been in the cards for us, so those feelings flooded my ruptured heart and tortured soul. And I had not been strong enough to stop them.
I had remained celibate to the queen, butmyheart had not been part of the contract. Autumn’s heart had been.
Mine had been and would always be Autumn’s.
The irony was not lost on me. I had come to carve out Autumn’s heart, but instead, she had twined herself into my soul, and I was powerless to stop it.
I looked down at the dark lashes fanning the pale cheeks with a fine spattering of freckles.
“The courage you had to pull a dagger on me…Fuck, Autumn, I wanted you then, and I hated you for it. I hated myself more because I knew I’d never deserve you.”
Jay. Jay.
