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He does an assessment, a slow scan of my face that feels more invasive than when he actually had his hands on me. “I’m scared too. Which is why I threw the signing event in your face, but I shouldn’t have. That was my doing. And I did it for you. And I’m sorry, Avery. But I’m terrified I’m going to lose you before we’ve ever had a chance to giveusa real shot.”
His words hit more nerves than I care to admit because I want there to be an us, but I’m not sure if I can handle it.
Taking a deliberate step towards me. His voice is softer but still carries an accusatory tone that makes me feel like he can see straight through me. “What is it? What is it that you’re scared of? You can’t hide behind those romance books forever. And you’re too smart to bury your head in the sand.”
“You have no room to lecture me on hiding my head in the sand when you let everyone believe that Cash is some great baseball hero.”
“You’re right. But I know I’m a liar, and I know why I do it. I’m not running from the truth. I don’t want to answer the questions that follow the truth because I’d have to relive every broken bone, bloodied nose, and blackened eye over and over in front of the entire world, and I chose to not fuckin’ do it. But it’s not out of fear, it’s out of self-preservation. Because I want to murder the bastard every time I picture the moments he put his hands on my mother or she allowed him to hit me.”
I take a step back, breaking away from his anger as I shake my head. “Carter.”
He curses under his breath, moving to stand in front of me. There’s still a rigidness in his posture, but his tone is low. “Avery, tell me what the hell to do to fix this, because you know damn well neither of us wants to walk away from this… from us.”
When I don’t respond, he shifts closer, cautiously wrapping an arm around my lower back. Slowly, as if I’m the most fragile, delicate thing he’s ever handled, he pulls me into a secure embrace that was made for me. He makes me feel safe and warm, like I should never be anywhere other than his arms ever again. Which will make it hurt all the worse when it’s taken away for whatever reason.
“Tell me what you need. We can lay low, stay out of sight. I can ask for them to respect your privacy—although it’s at their discretion to respect my wishes or not. I can get you a new phone number. I can answer your phone and tell each one of them to leave you alone. Ave, I know you’re scared. I am too. But as much as this scares me, walking away from you scares me even more.”
“I don’t know how to do this.”
“Me either, but we’ll figure it out together.” He bends down to place a kiss on my forehead. “I should’ve thought to warn you last night, but I was so damn thrilled you agreed to a date, I didn’t think that far ahead.”
“It’s a lot to take in. Especially when my studentcongratulatesme and keeps informing me of how many different websites my face is on.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, and I truly believe him. He’s had to deal with this stuff his whole life, so he honestly knows how a few pictures have frazzled my nerves.
“Can I see you after the game tonight? We can order in and maybeactuallywatch a movie. Or just hang out. It’s not even a school night.”
“Okay. Let’s hang out at my place.”
“Sounds like a plan. Send me your address, and I’ll pick up some supper on the way over.”
I agree, moving away from him as he hesitantly steps back.
“We’ll figure this out, Avery. We have to.”
20
CARTER
“Looking good, Lowe,” Coach Dundee says as I wrap up my workout in the bullpen. He’s quiet a beat before coming to stand in front of me. “Are you ready for next week?”
I get what he’s asking. He doesn’t want to know if my arm will be ready, he wants to know if my mind is prepared as I’ll be starting the first game of a four-game series on the road against my old team. The one that dropped me at the first sign of trouble with my arm. “Yeah. All good.”
“Let me know if that changes.”
“Aye aye, captain.” I give him a smug look to mask my unease, and he shakes his head and walks away. Making my way to the clubhouse, I shower and get ready for tonight’s game. I’ll be supporting the team from the dugout, but it’s my postgame plans that I’m really looking forward to.
“How’s Avery?” Brooks asks as he steps next to me.
“Adjusting,” I admit honestly.
“You are a lot to put up with,” Brooks teases but he’s not that far off.
“Yeah. Aren’t we all.” I nod at Gunner bouncing around the clubhouse, completely naked. He whoops and hollers, trying to get everyone fired up. Most everyone looks at him like he’s insane, but that doesn’t slow his roll.
* * *
After the game, I can’t get to Avery’s place fast enough. She said she wasn’t hungry, which is understandable considering the time of night it is, so it’s fine by me—no stops necessary between the field and my girl. But I’m not completely happy until the moment she opens the door of her apartment. Those hazel eyes hit me, and I take in her casual appearance. Her fingers pick at the hem of her tank top, pulling it down slightly as she invites me in. She rubs her hands over her cotton pajama pants, and even though she looks uncertain, she doesn’t look uncomfortable. Good enough for me. And I don’t blame her for being more at ease as I look around the small but cozy living area that connects to the kitchen, a bar separating the two. I drop my key fob and phone on the counter as soon as I’m within reach. I resist mauling her, but just barely. Instead, I pull her against me and savor her mouth on mine, her body pressed firmly against my torso until she slightly leans back. “Hi.”
