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“It so is. I felt constant guilt at what we were doing but like constant desperation and worry that he’d leave me for her. Which is unfair because he was always hers and never mine.” I sit back and eat more delicious sushi. “I’m a horrible person.”
“Maybe.”
I glare at her, making her laugh.
“I mean… it’s not great what you did but I get it. Love is such a trap.”
“You can say that again.”
We swap sushi bowls, because she’s never tried my favorite and I’ve never tried hers.
“And now he wants me to keep in touch. I’m trying so hard to move on.”
She wags her brows and I feel like I’m just sitting with female Robert. “Last night is a testament to that.”
“But he’s desperate to keep hold and it’s not fair.”
She sighs and drinks her water, losing herself in her thoughts for a moment. “I suppose it’s even harder to move on from somebody you know still wants you.”
I nod and admire her dark blonde hair and pale eyes. She’s gorgeous. I wonder why she and Robert have never tried for a relationship. “I just don’t know what to do. He’s married. He’s having a baby.”
“But you still love him with every romantic fiber of your pathetic soul.”
I click my finger and thumb and point at her. “Exactly.”
She grins at me, takes a bite of my spicy roll and then drinks more water.
Meanwhile I ask, “So… Robert’s single… you’re single…”
She chokes on her water and starts laughing hysterically. A pleasant sound for sure. She doesn’t have an annoying laugh in the slightest.
“What?”
“I was waiting for you to ask but it took you so long I figured you’d worked it out all on your own.”
“Worked what out?”
She wags her brows at me, looking so much like Robert but not in the sense that they’re related, just that they’ve spent a lot of years being friends. “I’m more into girls than guys at the moment. Robert has been my friend since I was in middle school. Also… I’m totally a virgin.”
“But you’re like… twenty-six?”
“I’m celibate—sorta.”
I blink slowly. “Are you pulling my dick?”
“Never pulled a dick in my life. I’m waiting for the one.”
“So not marriage?”
“Hell no. I’m just waiting for love before I lose my cherry. I’ve never been in love so I’ve never had sex.”
I smile at her. “That’s so lovely. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was in my early twenties. But that’s more cowardice and because sex seemed gross to me then.”
“Well done for hanging on for that long, everyone I knew as I was growing up lost their V-cards age fifteen to eighteen. I didn’t understand what the rush was, but then I just figured they didn’t have vibrators yet.”
“Right?” I fist-bump her for that one because I used to think the same thing. Fist bumping is now something sober me does too. Though I’m not convinced I am in fact sober.
“How was Robert when you left this morning?”
“Sobbing in the bathroom while he peed.”
“Really?”
I shake my head and giggle. “No, he kissed me though. Now that I let him once, he thinks he can do it all the time.”
“You’re not interested?”
Shrugging my shoulders, I look down at my food sadly. “I’m still in love with Ezra. I’m not about to lead Robert on when another man is the focal point of all my thoughts. It’s like my will to stay away is strong but my ability to forget about him is weak.”
“Doesn’t help that you have photographic memory.”
“Exactly. That part doesn’t help at all.”
She reaches over and pats my hand. “You’ll be okay in the end. This feeling will go, and you’ll move on.”
“I hope you’re right.”
Chapter Forty-One
He says the sweetest things, in English and Italian.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Response is essential.
Tesoro mio,
How is my beautiful beloved today? Tell me about every hour from start to finish.
I miss you already,
Forever your soul,
Ezra.
I bite my lip as I stare at the email to my personal account from the man I’ve sworn to avoid, but I did promise him a weekly update, so I’ll give him that at least.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Response is NOT essential.
I thought you said nothing sordid or secretive? Stop telling me that you miss me, it feels like you punch me in the face, say sorry, punch me in the face, say sorry, and again and again. If you miss me why aren’t you with me?
Stop missing me. Stop punching me in the face.
My day has been busy. I’m at work.
I really don’t think I can do this with you. It’s still too raw.
Forever my regret,
Rose.
Too harsh? Probably.
I close my phone and get back on with my job. It has been approximately two weeks since Robert’s party and my last run-in with Ezra, and though he sent me an email last week, my emotions were too raw, so I ignored it and I don’t feel sorry about that in the slightest.
