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“What?”
“YOU FUCKED ROSE! YOU LIED. AND LIED. AND LIED!”
His muffled, deep voice is calm and wary when he insists, “Think of the baby and calm down, let’s talk.”
“The baby? I don’t want it. I don’t want a baby with you. I don’t want you!” she sobs, sounding more broken than I’ve ever heard anybody sound. “I hate you. I hate you. How could you? You’re nothing but a liar.”
The line dies, I hear nothing else. I immediately race into the bathroom to vomit into the toilet.
My stomach burns and aches as I expel all my breakfast. That doesn’t taste good.
Rose: Elizabeth just called, she knows about me and Ezra.
Laurie: FUUUCCCKK noooo way… dude… how did she take it?
Rose: Better than I expected.
Rose: In the sense that I think she trashed his car or something while we were on the phone.
Laurie: Poor Elizabeth. How’d she find out?
Rose: I think she just pieced things together after I was a dick and sprayed my perfume while in her husband’s rental car two weeks ago.
Laurie: Bitch… WHAT? Why were you in his rental car?
Rose: He wanted to talk, I missed him. I had a weak moment.
Laurie: You ass.
Rose: I know. Nothing happened though. We kissed but it was more like a goodbye than anything.
I place my phone down as I wash my face and rinse my mouth out with mouthwash. It’s better than nothing.
When it rings again it vibrates so hard it falls off the vanity and clatters on the tiled floor. I tentatively pick it up, but when I see Ezra’s name on the screen, I disconnect the call and turn it off.
This is not my problem… not anymore.
As terrible as I feel, he’s calling for one of two reasons, to either get angry that I was honest with his wife, or to vent about it. I’m not interested in being his confidant, it’s not fair on Elizabeth, and I certainly don’t deserve his ire.
A week later, I’m not surprised to find no email from him, nor am I the week after that.
Though the following week, however, is full of surprises.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Happy Birthday!
Yet another I have missed. How have you spent it? With your friends? Your lover? Have you had cake yet?
I’m assuming a visit from me would not be welcome. Though I’d very much like to see you, I really would like to talk to you. I apologize for not being in touch for a while. I’ve been busy, as you can imagine.
Forever your soul,
Ezra.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Thank you.
I thought I’d feel older and wiser but apparently not. Although an entire month has passed since you kissed me in the car, and two weeks have passed since your wife raged down the phone to me, my emotions are so raw as if no time has passed at all.
Will I ever get over you? Will you ever let me?
You ask me about lovers as though it is so easy for me to find somebody to replace the gaping hole you left in my chest. Do I sound bitter? I hope so.
Forever my biggest regret,
Rose.
P.S. That’s a hell no, I don’t want a visit from you. How can you ask me that after what happened? What is wrong with you? Give Elizabeth peace of mind and stay away from temptations.
I’m feeling particularly maudlin today as I often do on my birthdays. Even though I have good friends to celebrate it with now, I still don’t have the one thing I’ve always wanted and needed, a family of my own.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Answer your phone when I call.
Things have changed, I would very much like to see you and speak to you face to face. There are things to discuss.
Forever yours… always. Even now.
From: [email protected]
Subject: No.
Let me guess… she left your ass and now suddenly you’re interested in me again? That’s not how this works. I’m not interested anymore. Besides, not that it’s any of your business but I am seeing somebody. Give it up already. Go be a dad and a husband.
Okay, so that was a lie. I’m not seeing anybody at all but I’m about done with feeling like this. Every time I open his emails or see his missed calls I die inside. How can my love and emotions for him be this intense even after all this time?
From: [email protected]
Subject: You really hate me… don’t you?
Can we please talk? If only for a moment. I miss your voice.
From: [email protected]
Subject: I hate myself and how you make me feel.
Why do you insist on dragging this out? I miss your voice too, but it doesn’t change anything. Can we just… be normal? Can we talk about mundane shit like you promised?
From: [email protected]
Subject: I still make you feel… this is good. Sei cosi importante per me.
How was your drive to work? Is it raining in Seattle?
