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I place my hand over his, and reassure him, “I’m not seeing anybody else.”
He clears his throat, shifting in his seat while still driving carefully. “You and Robert…? You have chemistry, I’ve always seen it and I know that you were both intimate, I saw you kiss and verbally you hinted at more… though we’ve never discussed it since.”
I click my tongue against my palate six times and then scrape my teeth over my lower lip. I don’t know what to say and my hesitation hasn’t made him feel at ease.
“We did more than kiss, but not quite what you’re— It doesn’t matter what we did. I won’t go into details…”
He tenses, keeping his eyes on the road. My heart is hammering in my chest. I don’t want to tell him this, he doesn’t need to know, but he asked and I’m not going to lie. “Do you… feel for him? Perhaps on a similar level to how you feel for me?”
“As amazing as Robert is, I just don’t like him that way. Mainly because I’m so enamored with you.”
His grip loosens. “I shouldn’t have asked but I’m glad that I did.” We smile at each other though his doesn’t quite meet his eyes. “I feel awful for Robert, but I can’t lie and say I’m not ecstatic that your affections for me are still strong despite the fact you have done things with him.” He grits out that last part and I know he’s struggling with his temper. He wants to get angry, but he has no right to get angry and we both know it.
“You broke me,” I remind him, feeling a surge of the same anger as the memory of what he did to me and the pain that I felt…
I felt…
I felt…
I felt…
I—NO. I’m not doing that.
I speak honestly to stop that morning playing out in my mind again. “I’m terrified if I come back to you, like I did before, you’ll break me again.”
“If I could move to Seattle to be with you, I would in a heartbeat. I don’t like that I’m asking you to put this amount of trust in me. I haven’t earned it. I don’t deserve it.”
This is just such a difficult situation. As much as I want to keep blaming him for everything that happened, it’s not healthy. I need to let it go, even if I decide to stay in Seattle, it must be for the right reasons and not because I’m terrified to go back.
I tap my foot, counting the gentle thuds in sixes.
“If it’s about your job, I’ll take care of you. Or get Robert to find you a new one. You know he’s good at that. If it’s about your friends, you can commute back and forth as often as you like. If—”
“I love my job, I love my apartment, I love my friends, I love my life. Okay? But I also love you, and Laurie, and now Izabella and I are on better terms and I can see Maria again; there are a lot of reasons to come back, but it’s not that simple. Mr. Watanabe is a really great boss… no offence—”
“Offence taken,” he jests.
“—I love working for him and the firm is full of amazing people.”
“But?”
“No buts. I’m just conflicted.”
We both fall silent, my indecision over my future driving an invisible wedge between us both.
“Remember why you love me, and ask yourself if I’m worth it,” he whispers, breaking my heart with how sullen he sounds.
In a book this would be so easy, I’d move and be happy and never regret my decision. But this is my life and there are so many things to consider. This isn’t an easy decision, but any step worth taking is a tough one to climb.
“Maybe when you place a final note in the vase, you’ll know.”
I smile at him. “I know that I love you.”
“And for now, that is enough.”
As expected, Laurie is so shocked and excited to see me her first reaction is to slap me around the face. I don’t know why I’m the only one she does that to. Then she pulls my hair, all the while screaming and trying to hug me.
We bounce like we haven’t seen each other in months, not weeks, and Ezra steps around us to shake Kyle’s hand.
“I missed youuuuuuu,” Laurie growls in my ear.
“I missed you moooooorrrre,” I growl back, and we walk into her house still attached, with two very amused males guiding us to the sofa.
“Somebody make me a cocktail,” Laurie demands and we part, only to crash on the couch and hug again.
When we part for real, Kyle is mixing our drinks and Ezra is chopping limes into quarters.
“So,” Laurie says around a grin, “tell me everything I’ve missed.”
“Ezra is really sexy when he’s jealous.”
