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“You want me to tell my family and wife what we’ve been doing? The only reason I’m lying is to protect us, to protect Maria, to protect Elizabeth.”
“No, the only reason you’re lying is because we did a bad fucking thing and now we have to.”
“What do you want from me?” he asks, yelling now, “what do you want me to do? I’m sick and tired of you blaming your guilt solely on me. You fucked me too. I didn’t rape you. I didn’t make you do anything. You fucked me while I’m married, and you played just as big a part in this as either of us! You knew what you were getting into! You knew I loved you before we fucked! And now I’m trying to do right by you and everybody else and this is the shit I get at home.” He shakes his head at me, his lips turned up with a sneer. “You are going behind my back. Letting me think we’re okay when, really, you’re leaving me. You are guilting me every second like I’m the only shit one here. We’re both shit people. We both fucking did this. But go ahead, leave me to deal with it alone. Make me fall in love with you even more and then break my fucking heart because you’re a coward that would rather run. It’s the least I deserve, right?”
His words, true and clear, slice through my aching chest, spilling all my emotion out of me for him to see.
My eyes blur with tears. He’s right about the guilt I feel, living another woman’s life and hiding it from her too.
“You think I don’t love you?”
“I don’t know anymore. I thought you did but living with you this past week… you don’t act like a girl in love.”
“You mean like your wife did in the beginning?”
He throws his mug at the sink and it shatters in the basin making me gasp and step back. “You’re a cruel woman, Rose. Fuck you.”
The tears fall and I immediately hate myself for saying that.
He exits the kitchen, and I hear the rattle of his keys before the slamming of the front door. He’s so mad and I really hurt him. I should never have said that to him. It was uncalled for.
I race after him, feeling my heart race and my anger fade.
I’m not even wearing my shoes yet.
“Wait!” I cry, pulling open the door and exiting the apartment. He’s at the elevator pressing the button for it to come to our floor.
I fly at him, jumping on him so hard I worry we might both fall. I wrap my legs around his waist and kiss his lips, then his cheeks, his nose, his neck, all the while murmuring that I’m sorry, over and over again.
Midway through my apology his arms came around me and his forehead pressed against my neck.
“I love you,” I say to him, leaning back so I can look into his eyes. Tears still swim in mine and his mirror my sorrow and shame. “I do. So much. I’m just… I’m scared. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to ever see you hurt because of me. You’re right, we did this together and we should stick together.”
“You love me?”
“I do.”
Our kiss deepens and he doesn’t put me down. We go back into the apartment and kiss more on the bed. I love how strong he is, of course he can’t carry me forever but sometimes he makes me feel like he can, the way he lifts me and throws me around during sex and in between. I love the attention.
I hum, keeping my legs wrapped around him as he grinds against me. Not intentionally, that’s just how close we are.
“Don’t go. Let me make you happy. It’s just a few months of this hell and then everything will be perfect. You’ll see.” He shifts his weight so he’s not crushing me. “Stay. Please.”
“Okay.”
He closes his eyes and then smiles with relief. “You’ll stay?”
“Promise me you won’t hurt me. Promise me.”
“I promise,” he replies, holding my arms over my head. “I promise you the world.”
Smiling sweetly, I whimper when he kisses my neck, keeping my arms trapped above my head. “Then I promise you mine.”
It might be the worst decision I ever make, but one thing is for sure, I know I’ll never regret choosing him. I trust him. I have to.
Chapter Thirty-One
He’s tenacious and proud.
Deciding to stay lifted a weight, well, once I broke the news to Rob it did, using the excuse that I just couldn’t bring myself to leave Laurie and Izabella. Truth be told I’ve been avoiding Izabella since Ezra announced the divorce. I just have a feeling she’s going to know that it’s because of me.
