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His lifeless face doesn’t twitch, my heart shatters. He’s not dead. He’ll wake up and start laughing.
Minutes pass before I hear sirens and rush down stairs to open the door. I don’t wait for them to come in before I run upstairs and continue forcing him to breathe.
I peel open and eyelid, a glassy lifeless pupil stares back at me, the iris bigger than I’ve ever seen it. My lips tremble and a cry escapes me.
My body burns. “Please Caleb, don’t leave me!”
The paramedics come inside and I’m pulled out of the way. I watch them work on him, and I’m escorted to the side as they begin CPR and defibrillation. I watch on helplessly as they pass electric currents through his heart. They work for what seems like only seconds instead of the minutes that actually pass.
I’m so sorry a woman says as they call his death.
They call it.
They just call it.
“NO! Keep going!” I yell at them but no one listens. The police arrive and one of them tries to take me out of the room. “He wouldn’t leave me! He’s fine! People just don’t die in their sleep!”
“Please Miss,” the officer says in my ear, trying to get me to move. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing we can do, he’s gone.”
“No,” I fall to my knees as they surround the bed. “No! Please. Don’t stop trying. You can’t stop.”
I can’t hear anything they say after this. I see the men start to lift him.
“No,” I cry and throw myself towards his body. “No you can’t take him.”
The tears that trickled begin to cascade down my face I can’t stop them and I don’t want to.
It’s not fair why him why? There are others out there with less to live for why couldn’t they have died instead.
“We’ll let you have a few minutes sweetheart.” I don’t know who says this and I don’t care.
A few minutes? I was meant to have a lifetime with this man, we were going to grow old together.
Everything is so surreal and the fast erratic thoughts on why this is happening soon slow and turn to an empty numbness. My whole world feels like it has just collapsed. Nothing seems to matter apart from the fact he has gone.
Nothing.
I’m left looking over his body I have heard people describe a dead body as a shell of the person they once knew, this isn’t even a shell of the man I’ve lost. Gone is the warmth of his almost chocolate gaze and the vibrancy this body once held. Even in his sleep he was captivating, now all that essence has left, he’s left and I’m left with nothing.
I look at the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen as he’s placed on a stretcher and covered with a sheet. They cover his face. They can’t cover his face he’s not dead. Why won’t they listen?
They keep asking me questions. Who my family and friends are, who his family and friends are? I can’t answer. I can’t do anything but sob.
“Where are they taking him?”
I’m surrounded by people, police officers and people I don’t know as I tear out of my house. I have no sense of time or place, my eyes are on his lifeless body.
“Stop!” I scream but they keep going.
Someone grabs me around the waist and holds me tight. Tommy’s here, when did he get here?
“We should sedate her,” someone says. “She’s pregnant, be careful.”
“Why are they taking him? They need to help him!”
“Hey,” Tommy says softly in my ear and pulls me towards an ambulance.
I try to pull free but my energy levels are non-existent. I’m non-existent. This isn’t happening to me, it’s happening to somebody else.
Twenty three year old males just don’t die in their sleep the night before their wedding.
“What happened, does anybody know?” Tommy asks whoever is here.
“They think it may have been a heart attack but they won’t know for sure until they get him to the hospital.”
Numb overcomes me, numb. I turn in Tommy’s arms and cling to him, my body shaking like a leaf, my mouth emitting noises I’ve never made before.
He’s not gone. He’s not. They’ll get him to the hospital and they’ll see.
Everything goes black, I’m not sure how or why, I just drift.
I wake up in an unfamiliar bed. I’m in the hospital. Why am I here?
“Hey you,” Tommy says and I see Sasha beside him.
I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Tears spill and the sobs that plagued my body once already, come back immediately. Sasha rushes to my side and envelopes me in her arms. “I’m so sorry,” she whispers and I feel her own tears fall onto my hair.
No. “No. No. He’s not… they were supposed to save him.”
“I know,” she sniffs, still rocking me and stroking my hair. “They couldn’t do anything. I’m sorry.”
