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He immediately turns towards me, his arm trying to take its usual place beneath my neck. Shrugging him away, I move to the edge of the bed, needing my space right now. Clearly not taking the hint, he moves closer and slides his other arm over me.
When I feel his lips travel up the curve of my neck, I stiffen and stop breathing. At first I think he’s just trying to comfort me, but when his hand wraps around my breast and his teeth nip at the lobe of my ear, I realise my original thought was wrong, very wrong.
“What are you doing?” I hiss, rolling onto my back.
“I don’t know,” he admits, shaking his head. “I don’t know what you want me to do.”
“I want you to leave me alone,” I bite out, rolling back onto my side.
His voice is quiet when he responds. “I don’t know how to leave you alone.”
“Then learn, and do it quickly.”
He moves away and I can tell by the pull of the blanket that he’s lying on his back. “I love you, Gwen.”
Squeezing my eyes tight, I will sleep to claim me. It does, but not before I felt his hand touch my hair, and not before I heard him let out a sound that can only be described as a choked whimper.
Still, I felt nothing.
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
My eyes are stinging when I wake up. I must look a mess, but I can’t muster up the energy to care. I climb from the empty bed and make my way towards the bathroom. A shower is needed desperately right now.
The water hasn’t even turned warm before I’m standing under the heavy spray. My eyes squeeze shut and my mouth parts so I can breathe. Every move I make seems to cause my body unimaginable strain. I’ve only felt like this once before; that was after Caleb died and I stayed in bed for three days.
When out of the shower I quickly get dressed, not even bothering to match my clothes. Who cares about matched clothes at this time? It’s pointless. I don’t even bother to dry my hair; I just run a towel over it and pull it up into a bun.
“I think Mummy is awake,” I hear Nathan say from the kitchen as I make my way downstairs. I follow the sounds of Dillan’s babbles and smile at his chubby face smiling at the sight of me. He’s always happy to see me, always. Nathan looks at me over his shoulder. “I made breakfast.” He looks at the clock on the wall above the table and winces. “Well, lunch.”
I peer around him and try to find some kind of emotion, maybe shock, when I note that he’s in the process of making scrambled eggs and bacon.
“Sit,” he orders softly. I do and he starts shifting food from pans onto a plate, before bringing it over to me with a glass of juice.
“You found the eggs,” I state, picking up my fork and moving the scrambled mess around the plate.
“They’re your favourite.” He bends and touches his lips to my temple. “I thought you’d be hungry. And I thought we could do something fun today?”
Seriously? “Thanks, but I’m not in the mood.” His face falls and his tongue snakes out to tease his lower lip.
He grabs his own egg free plate from the side and takes the seat next to me. I bow my head, scooping up a small bite of egg before placing it on my tongue. It smells like it should taste good, but I might as well be chewing on paper for all I can taste.
“Your mum offered to have Dillan for a few hours. I know there’s a movie you want to see at the cinema.” He reaches over and tucks an errant lock of hair behind my ear. I don’t mean to tense, but I do and it doesn’t go unnoticed. “We could do that?”
“Hmm,” I mumble, and take a small bite of my toast. I’m not even sure why I’m eating. I’m definitely not hungry. Maybe because it’s the first time he’s ever touched an egg for as long as I’ve known him and he’s done that specifically to make my breakfast.
He lied to you, a voice keeps screaming in my head. He’s broken you. Practically destroyed you with his lies.
“Would you like to go?” He asks calmly, his eyes scanning my face for any sign of a reaction. He won’t find one. “Or would you like to do something else?”
They knew he was dying and nobody told you; nobody prepared you for it. You were the one who woke up and found him dead. You’ve been blaming yourself for months, thinking over and over in your mind how you could have done things differently.
“Gwen?”
“I…” I push my plate away and stand. “I’m not hungry.” I move around to Dillan and take him from his highchair. He smiles and gurgles as I pull him up to my chest.
