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Nathan moves to my back. “We’ll get through this,” he whispers, placing his hands on my hips. “I’ll take him to your mum’s and then we’ll go out and have fun.”
Fun? What’s that?
“Just me, you and a huge tub of popcorn.” He smiles and carefully removes Dillan from my arms.
“You don’t like popcorn,” I point out, taking the plates from the table.
“I’ll do them when I get back. You go and sit,” he says, frowning slightly. I ignore him and move over to the sink. “Gwen…”
“I can do dishes, Nathan. I’m not a child,” I snap, scraping the food into the bin.
His brows shoot to his hairline and he runs the hand that isn’t holding Dillan through his hair. “I don’t want you to do it today. It’s my job.”
“Right.” I roll my eyes and drop the plates into the sink. “Well, by all means, go ahead.”
“Gwen,” he sighs and steps towards me.
For months you’ve grieved for a man that didn’t exist. For months you’ve blamed yourself. If somebody had told you, you could have prepared. But they didn’t. They watched you deteriorate and even though you didn’t say it out loud, it was obvious that you blamed yourself for his death. You blamed yourself for the fact that Dillan would grow up without his father.
“Hello?” Fingers click in front of my face. I turn towards the source and stare at him expectantly. “Did you hear what I just said?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“I said that if you want, we could try and go to the beach. You haven’t been in a really long time and…” His voice trails off and he chews on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I’d really like to try… for you.”
Just the mere thought of going to the one place that used to bring me so much joy but now brings me nothing but anger makes me balk at the thought. “No thanks.”
“Okay… then why don’t you choose?” I can see he’s getting frustrated.
I don’t care. “I don’t want to do anything.” Especially not with you. Does he honestly think that everything is suddenly going to be okay?
“It’ll be good for us to get out for the day,” he comments, bouncing Dillan on his side. “You look like you need some fresh air.”
“Then I’ll go for a walk,” I huff, reaching for Dillan. “Just go to work or something.”
“I’m trying here, Gwen,” he says quietly, his tone solemn and soft.
It pierces through the bubble of numbness that is tightening its hold on my body and at his words, I feel a slight twang of pain in my chest. I just can’t find the strength or energy to fully care.
“I know,” I respond and move towards the hallway.
“I’m sorry,” he states, but he doesn’t sound like he means it. “I’m sorry for failing to protect you.”
What about destroying my trust and breaking my heart?
“Damn it,” I curse as I place Dillan in his bouncer in the room. I head back into the kitchen where Nathan is waiting for me, watching me cautiously as I pad towards the cupboard where we store the medicine on the top shelf. “I forgot to take my…” My hand stops as it clasps the cupboard door handle. The cold metal bites into my skin as a torrent of thoughts rush through my head. Oh my god. Oh my god! “You absolute bastard.” My voice is a low whisper.
Nathan, seemingly shocked, takes a step back. “Gwen, it’s not what you…”
He ducks when the half full bag of sugar flies at his head.
“Gwen,” he warns, staring in horror at the sugar that’s exploded on the wall and all over the floor and table.
“Don’t you dare!” My trembling hands ball into fists and my eyes close in an attempt to calm myself. I want to wrap my hands around his neck. “You… god… Nathan, how could you?”
“I warned you,” he rushes, his eyes widening with panic. “I warned you, remember?”
My mouth falls open and my eyes burn as I hiss, “Warned me?”
“Yes, I told you to change them…”
“No!” I laugh incredulously, even though there is nothing funny about this. “You didn’t fucking warn me, Nathan! You said that they could be out of date! My doctor said they’d be fine, but she doesn’t know they’ve been swapped with sugar pills!” My voice gets higher and higher with each word until I’m practically screeching the last two.
My heart pounds against my ribcage and all I can see is red. I’ve never wanted to cause somebody pain so badly before.
“I…” He starts to say, but quickly clamps his mouth shut.
“Get out.” I order, needing him to leave, needing to be alone.
“Gwen…”
“GET OUT!” I shout, my breathing coming out in pants. I feel dizzy. Oh my god. What if I’m pregnant?
I can’t breathe.
How could he do this?
