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I smile and nuzzle his chest. “Always.”
“Tell me you forgive me.”
My breath catches in my throat and the sharp pain I feel in my chest at my sudden inhale reminds me that I’m still healing. It reminds me that we almost died because of me. “It’s my fault.”
“What is?”
“The fire… the house…”
He tilts my head up to his, our mouths only inches apart. His confusion is clear. “It was my dad, Gwen. He’s been arrested. He confessed…”
“No.” I take a steady breath and calm myself. He deserves to know. “It’s my fault he was there.”
He shifts his body slightly, wincing with the pain that the movement causes. Another bout of guilt slashes through me. “What are you talking about?”
“You asked me what happened between me and your father.”
“I remember.”
“Well… it’s kind of a long story but… it…”
“Spit it out Gwen,” he demands irritably, his eyes narrowing on my face.
“When you got arrested for assaulting your father, I blackmailed him so he’d drop the charges.”
The sudden silence is disturbing. His mouth falls open, but I swear both of our hearts stop together. He shifts further away from me, a frown on his face. “You blackmailed him?”
“Yes. Well, Sasha told me what to say. She’s better at stuff like that than I am. Not that she’s ever blackmailed anyone, I just mean I feel guilty really easily and…”
“Gwen.” He stops my rambling, giving me a moment to clear my thought process and explain properly. “Explain.”
I chew anxiously on my lip before continuing. “Okay, so, that night I found the DVDs, I don’t know how but the first one got stuck in my jacket and I took it home by mistake.” He tenses but says nothing. “The title was weird. I didn’t understand it, so… well, I watched it again.” His eyes widen and he slowly sits up. I follow suit and sit beside him on the end of the bed after he shuffles himself down. “I skipped the parts where you were… you know… and well, your Grandfather had sent you to your room but he hadn’t turned the camera off and your dad had come to pick you up.”
“I remember that day. He walked in, took one look at me and walked out. I remember him and my grandfather arguing. I couldn’t hear what they were saying.” He closes his eyes and his jaw clenches as he continues. “I couldn’t move off the ground.”
My poor Nathan. “He knew.” I place my hand on his, but he knocks it away. “Your grandfather told him he’d donate every penny he had to charity if he told anyone and your dad seemed to need his money to get his business started, or back afloat, or something. Anyway… he knew and there was the proof. So I… well, I copied it and Sasha found his office number, which led us to getting his personal number. I told him if he didn’t drop the charges against you, sign over everything to you and leave you alone, I’d go public.” I rush the last bit, not wanting to upset him anymore. “He agreed and we made the deal that I’d leave every single piece of evidence that you were abused on the dining room table and he’d pick it up at five, after you’d signed the papers.”
“Go on.” He snaps, his hands fisting on his lap.
“I was supposed to leave before he got there, but I fell asleep reading your journals. I read them all…” He says nothing, shows nothing and doesn’t move an inch. I wish I could see what he was feeling. “When I woke up, well… you know the rest.”
He doesn’t look at me and this worries me. Then he stands and this worries me even more.
“Nathan…”
“Can I have a minute?” He says calmly.
I want to say no. I want to scream at him that I’m sorry, but instead I nod and leave the room, trying to hide the fact that I’m terrified I’m going to lose him.
Before I close the door I call to him; he doesn’t look at me, so I speak anyway. “I’m so sorry for not telling you, Nathan, but I didn’t want you to hurt any more than you already had.”
“Go Guinevere,” he hisses and I quickly close the door. When Nathan gets like this, sometimes it’s just best to leave him to it. I don’t want to upset him while he’s in such bad shape. I wish I didn’t have to tell him at all, but he deserves to know that he’s in the shape he is because of me.
I didn’t start the fire, but I played a big part in it. If I hadn’t set off this stupid chain of events with my stupid need to get him out of that cell, none of this would have happened.
