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“Get to the point.” I demand, my breath quickening. I can’t breathe.
“Caleb agreed to meet with you and bring you off the beach to meet me. He said he’d become your friend and lead you to me.”
“Can I walk with you?”
Caleb’s first ever words to me ring through my head. I feel dizzy. “Maybe… maybe he just liked me too.”
“Oh, he definitely liked you.” Nathan spits, the vehemence in his tone only showing a fraction of how he really feels about the situation. “He led you right by me. I thought maybe you were shy and he was finding the right moment to introduce us.”
“What happened next?” I need to know. I need to hear it.
“He promised me that you were meeting him the next day, he’d introduce us. Then you were shy and timid and that day wasn’t good timing.” He says this in a mocking tone, using his fingers to accentuate the words ‘good timing’. “He told me where to wait, so I waited by the hotel. I had the perfect view of you both. He’d lied about the time. It looked like you’d been spending time together for a while before I got there. I trusted him.”
What do I say to that? Nothing. There’s nothing to say right now. I should just listen.
“I saw you both kiss.” He brushes my hair from my temple, his eyes sad. “You were the first girl I’ve ever liked.” Yeah right. “I’m serious, Gwen. I wouldn’t lie to you about that. You know me better than anyone.” He shrugs. “I thought he would get bored like he usually did. Instead…”
“Go on.” I need to hear this.
“He took you in the back of his car, no doubt down a dirt road outside of town.” Cringe. “I saw the car because I didn’t believe him. I saw the stain.” My cheeks heat at the memory. “I wanted to kill him. He’d already told me he was staying behind. I had told our parents, anything to get him away from you.”
“Why would you do that?” I whisper.
“I… can’t get into that right now.” I want to push him, but I need to process the information I already have. “But then… I was mad at you too. In my head you were on this pedestal. You were this perfect woman to me, beautiful, graceful, carefree and innocent. It came off you in waves. Why would you…?”
“I didn’t.” I blurt, holding my hand up to silence him. “We didn’t have sex in the car.”
“I saw…”
“You saw a stain and yes, we fooled around, but in actuality, I didn’t lose my virginity to him until after we’d moved in together.” Why would Caleb lie about that? “Caleb…whatever he did to you, he never hurt me, never pushed me. He waited until I was ready and then he… I hate that he did that to you. I’m sorry that he did that to you. If he were alive, I’d…”
“You’d what?” He asks, his voice low and his eyes wide with wonder. “Shout at him? Break up with him and go with me? Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“I don’t know what I’d do.” I admit, reaching up to trail my fingers along the side of his neck. “All I know is that the only silver lining of Caleb’s death is that I got the chance to know you.”
He pushes forward, his chest against mine. “So choose me.”
“If I don’t?” I ask quietly, resting my forehead against his neck. “What happens if I don’t?”
I feel his chest deflate. His hand tips my head back and he looks into my eyes. “I’ll leave with no hard feelings. I’ll never bother you again, I swear.” He pauses for a moment. “But please, choose me.”
“And what will happen if I do?”
“I’ll never let you go. Never.”
I believe him, truly I do, but this is a difficult choice to make. If I choose him, will people judge me? Do I care if they judge me? Not really. If I don’t choose him, will I regret it?
How do I feel about him?
I think back to our time together, living with him, how I felt when I left, how I felt when he touched me and held me in his sleep. So many things to consider.
He makes me happy. He’s never let me down, but I can’t just forget everything he’s put me through. What if I step out of line and he tells me to leave again? Can I handle that? Probably not.
And then there are the secrets he clings to, not just his grandfather but everything else. Those envelopes that kept getting sent to me, what was in them? Why does he hate Caleb? Surely it can’t be all because of me? And if it is because of me, there has to be more to it than what he’s told me. He’s hiding something, I know it.
