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But all of that will come in time, I know it will, otherwise we won’t work.
So what do I do? How do I feel?
Gah… have mercy, this is too much to consider.
Can I do this? Eric is everything I should want. He’s different.
Eric is Caleb.
I don’t want another Caleb. I want complicated and broody, because when Nathan finally gives part of himself to me, it feels like the greatest reward. I want to figure him out, unlock his secrets and help him through them.
But what if I’m wrong?
“Gwen?”
“Okay.” I whisper, ignoring my morals and rapidly firing thoughts. Switching off my mind, I decide with nothing but the muscle beating in my chest. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“I’m not choosing you.” His hands go to release me. I grip his hair with one hand and the front of his shirt with the other. “There’s no choice to make.”
He scrunches up his nose, “Well I feel rather moronic right now.”
“That’s not what I mean.” Eye roll. “You were never second best; you were never a choice. I’m sorry I didn’t realise it sooner.”
“You’re not making any sense.”
“I mean,” how do I say this? “I love you. I think I have for a really long time.” I know I have. I’ve just been too ashamed of the circumstances to admit it, or try to rationalise it.
“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it. If you’re saying it because of what I’ve told you…”
“I’m not,” I promise and let my body relax. “I’ve been an idiot. I’ve been awful to you, I know I have, and I’m sorry. I’m ready now, if you’ll forgive me. I’d like to try.”
He blinks, seemingly astonished. “You’re choosing me?”
“But if we’re going to do this properly, we need to be completely honest with each other. No more secrets.”
He gulps, looking away nervously. “I don’t want to talk about what happened.”
“That’s fine, but you need to talk about what happened before I found out about your grandfather. You’re not being let off the hook that easy.” I chastise him, though I still have a smile on my face. “There are things we need to deal with.”
He sighs. “I was hoping we could just kiss now, but you’ve ruined the moment.”
I grin. “We were having a moment?”
“Were, being the key word here.” He steps into me again. “Now, be quiet. I’ve waited for this for a very long time.”
“Kay.” I lean back, closing my eyes as I wait for him to press his lips to mine. He moves slowly, sending tingles of anticipation straight down my spine. I feel his breath on my lips, but then it’s gone.
I decide to open my eyes when a few seconds pass and I notice that my slightly puckered lips are going to waste. Nathan’s eyes twinkle with amusement at my confusion, but then he sobers and a look of contentment overcomes him.
A gloved hand touches my arm, the fingertips barely grazing the skin as it moves upwards and rests on my shoulder. My breath hitches when those same fingers brush a gentle path up my neck, to my jaw and to my ear. I whimper, tiny bumps prickling along the surface of my arms and the swell of my breasts.
Nathan looks at his hand and frowns. My eyes follow his movements. I watch closely as he slowly removes the glove and places it into his pocket. His bare fingers make the same journey they made a moment ago, starting at my wrist before finishing at the corner of my mouth. I shudder and close my eyes when he scrapes his fingers upwards and brushes the side of my hair over my ear.
This is it, I think over and over as his eyes hold mine and his face moves slowly closer. My heartbeat quickens, my chest tingles and my mouth goes dry. I wet my lips quickly in preparation, waiting for him to finally kiss me.
His nose touches mine and strokes the bridge with a barely there touch. Gulp.
A small smile lights up his face, making his eyes become hooded.
Watching his pupils dilate as his top lip touches mine is definitely a sight I’ll never forget. I wonder if that’s what he’s doing, burning this exact moment to memory.
A gasp escapes me when I feel his free hand trail along the edge of the boxers I’m wearing, before dipping under my top and sliding around to my back. He pulls me to him, his hips against mine. I feel how much he wants me and the thrill it sends through my body is almost unbearable.
I’m about ready to grab him and devour his mouth in a wicked way, when I feel his bottom lip finally skim mine.
My eyes close, my body heats and I’m sure my cheeks turn pink.
The anticipation is killing me. I’ve never felt so alive, so on fire.
