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The couch sinks beside me but I don’t look up. I’m having a conversation with my son in the form of giggles and babbles.
“Are you hungry?” Nathan asks, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair.
“No thank you,” I snap. Even though I’m mad at him, I can’t forget my manners.
“Thirsty?”
“No thank you. Hidey…” I hold the thin sheet an inch from Dillan’s face before ripping it away. “Boo!”
He laughs, a long single sound from his open mouth. I see Nathan smile out of the corner of my eye. “I did this with him the last time I had him. He found it very enjoyable.” He’s nervous; I can hear it in his voice. “Here.” He reaches for Dillan, so I quickly shuffle away. His hands fly back to his lap and he blinks, his mouth falling open in shock.
“Yeah, he loves this game. Hidey…”
“I’ll make us coffee,” he says quietly, scratching the slight shadow on his jaw. “Would you like anything else whilst I’m in the kitchen?”
“Boo!” And Dillan’s magical laugh comes again. I glare at the man beside me and clip, “No thank you,” before turning back to my smiling boy. He’s so adorable. I just want to eat him.
Nathan stays seated for a short while, staring at me expectantly, possibly hoping for his morning hug and kiss. When he realises he’s not going to get either, he stands, sighs and leaves the room.
“Not this time,” I say to Dillan in a baby voice. “No way am I letting him get away with it this time.” I lift him until he’s eye level with me. “What do you think? Huh?” I nuzzle my face in his belly, eliciting another laugh and a high pitched squeal of excitement that I’ve never heard from him before. “Yes, I agree. We won’t talk to him today.” I nuzzle his belly, trying to get another squeal from him.
Squelch.
Dear Lord, I do believe my baby’s bowels have become rotten during the night. Ugh.
“Nath…” Ah… damn it. That was close. I forgot I wasn’t talking to him properly. “Looks like I’m going to have to deal with this one myself.”
When we return to the room, Nathan is sitting on the couch slumped forward with his head in his hands. I look away when he looks up and sit in the seat across the room. Dillan has hold of a teething ring and is swinging it around. I doubt he even knows he’s holding anything; he just likes moving his arms.
“Would you like me to take him?” Nathan asks, worrying his lower lip. “Gwen…” He stands and walks over to me. I turn sideways, trying to avoid his hands. They reach out and take Dillan. I can hardly play tug of war with my baby, so I release him pretty easily. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted. I’m sorry.” Why does he sound angry?
“Great,” I say flippantly and hold out my arms. “Can I have my son back now? I’m going to be at work soon. This is all I get with him before I get home at six.”
His jaw clenches. “I said I was sorry.”
“My son,” I snap, holding out my hands.
“I’m not going to see him until later either, or have you forgotten I have to pick up the keys in an hour?” He bites back, turning to leave.
“Then wait until it’s your turn!”
“Why do you get to decide when it’s my turn?” He looks at me incredulously. “Because you’re angry with me? I’m sorry, I should never have behaved the way I did, but there is nothing I can do about it now. Keeping Dillan from me is unfair to him.”
“I’m not keeping Dillan from you; I’m having my morning time with him!”
“And I want my time with him!”
We stare at each other for a moment.
“Neither of you are getting time with him!” My mum shouts from the doorway, looking annoyed, tired and rather dishevelled. We’ve clearly woken her. She stomps to Nathan, snatches Dillan from his arms and gives us both the look. “This isn’t healthy for him. Guinevere, stop being a bitch.” She’s kidding, right? “You’re both acting like children and everything you do will affect him.” She turns to Nathan. “Whatever you did to make her mad, your apology was terrible. Work on that.” Then she turns to me. I feel like cowering. If I had a tail it would be between my legs right now. “Valentine called your mobile five minutes ago; you left it upstairs. I answered. She needs you to go in in twenty minutes. I said you’d be there.”
Great.
She leaves the room with Dillan. I sigh and follow suit, needing to get ready and quick.
I feel terrible. I feel like a bad mum right now.
“Gwen.” Nathan follows me until I slam my bedroom door in his face.
