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I shake my head.
“You should. That was mean and not like you at all.”
“You always take his side,” I snap bitterly, strolling past her with my chin raised. “I’m not wrong this time.”
“And what he did was no better. I heard. I know it was mean and Eric didn’t deserve that, but he’s a man and he loves you. He doesn’t want to lose you and he has been patient enough.”
I growl and rest my forehead against the wall in the hallway. “Stop being right when I’m mad.”
She laughs and places her hand on my shoulder. “You’ve been through a lot and you’re still growing up. He’ll understand.”
“I’m not apologising.”
She nods her head and thinks on it for a moment. “Sometimes apologies aren’t necessary.”
“Poor Eric.”
“He’s a handsome boy. He’ll have moved on in a few days. Don’t give yourself too much credit.” I should be offended, but I can see she’s joking. About the last part at least, the first part is most definitely true. “Go after Nathan before it gets out of hand.”
I don’t want to. I ignore her suggestion and make my way upstairs. No way in hell am I chasing him, especially not now. I need to calm down first.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Nathan hasn’t contacted me all weekend and I don’t blame him. Eric doesn’t either and I have to admit, I’m kind of relieved that I don’t have to face what I’ve done.
I’ve been an idiot.
I stare at myself in the mirror, mostly at the bags under my eyes from lack of sleep and indecision. This is all my fault. What the hell happened to that fun loving girl who’d laugh at everything?
She died with Caleb, my subconscious tells me and I can’t help but agree.
I can’t go on like this, I need to get her back. I’m making everyone around me miserable and it feels awful. I used to live to make people laugh, smile and feel at ease around me.
Damn you, Caleb. I could kill you if you were still alive.
Tiffany thinks I just need more time; she could be right.
Sasha thinks I need to drag myself out of this funk immediately or I’ll be lost to the devil of despair forever. She could be right too.
My mum thinks I should go away for a while. Take a holiday, so to speak. She could be right too.
I think I should find Nathan, hold him tight and forget the world, but I’ve hidden behind him for long enough.
“Tell me what to do!” I shout to nobody, standing in the middle of my bedroom. “Tell me how to get past this,” I whisper, feeling a tear slide down my nose.
I hear a thud and squeal in surprise. Scanning the room for wherever the noise came from, I see no suspects, not until I glance at the floor under my desk and see the DVD case that I hid a while ago.
My fingers tremble as I reach down and pick it up. Talk about timing. I should find a new hiding place for it.
For some reason I can’t release it. I can’t find a place good enough for it and something screams at me in my mind to watch it.
I don’t want to watch it. Not again.
But the titles make no sense.
After a few torturous moments of indecision, I open the case and spin the DVD around its axis with one finger. Why am I doing this?
What will this prove?
Nothing. But it can’t hurt anything either.
Blowing out a breath, I carefully remove the DVD from the case and, with nausea threatening to turn violent, I place it in the DVD slot of my laptop.
I fast forward to the place I was last time as soon as it opens on my desktop.
Why the hell am I doing this?
I press play and turn the volume down low. I can’t bear to hear Nathan cry.
Tears automatically spring to my eyes at only the memories of the horrors I saw the last time I watched this.
I fast forward it past the part where Nathan’s grandfather cleans him up, threatening and soothing him all at the same time. He seems to leave the camera hanging around his neck. A beep sounds and I realise that instead of stopping the camera from recording, he’s taken a picture.
I skip it past the long walk home, trying not to let Nathan’s sobs get to me, which is entirely impossible.
“Fuck,” is the first word I hear, only ten more minutes into the movie. “Fuck.” I recognise the gravel under his feet to be the driveway. “What the fuck are you doing here?” There’s no fear in his voice, only anger.
“I came to pick up Nathan. His mother is back early from her trip to France and wishes to see him.”
Is that…
Holy crap!
I return the DVD to its box ten minutes later with tears streaming down my face and a heart that beats so rapidly in my chest, I swear it’s going to fail.
