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Damaged is the only word that comes to mind when I think of Nathan before I sleep.

I have no idea how to fix him.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I go home as soon as I wake, wearing nothing but Nathan’s boxers and one of his shirts. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve gone home like this, except the last time it was in Eric’s clothing. My neighbours must think I’m such a slut.

Fortunately my hangover isn’t too bad and my mum isn’t angry at me for staying out all night when I tell her where I was and explain why I was there. She doesn’t ask questions, only hands me my son and makes me an instant cappuccino, which is the only hot drink she can make successfully. And that’s only because it’s in a sachet and all she has to do is add water.

Dillan chews on my collarbone as I charge my phone and power it up. He seems content to do that for a while, so I leave him to it.

Sasha: Hey, are you awake? I’m on my way over.

Gwen: I’m up and I’m shocked that you’re up.

Sasha: I have so much to tell you!!!! :D

Gwen: I unfortunately have nothing to tell you.

Sasha: I’ll be there in five. Hungry?

Gwen: I could eat.

Five minutes later she’s still not here, which means she’s picking up food from somewhere. My phone alerts me to another text. I have to blink a few times to make sure I haven’t read his name and message wrong.

Eric: I’m sorry about last night, whatever happened with us, you didn’t deserve that.

Gwen: I did. I’m sorry for messing you around.

He doesn’t respond, but I don’t expect him to. At least we’re at some sort of impasse. Hopefully we can both put it behind us.

Now I need to contact Nathan. His phone is off. It’s probably dead.

Gwen: Call me. X

I hope he’s okay.

Sasha arrives a few minutes later, looking rough and still wearing the same dress from the night before, but with a shirt over the top. Tommy follows close behind, a bag of food in his hand.

He leans forward and kisses my cheek. I trade my son for the food and I lay it out on the table as they both make Dillan smile and giggle.

“Last night was fun,” Tommy announces as we fill our plates. Dillan sits beside me in his bouncer.

“I barely remember it,” I lie. I definitely wish I’d forgotten how drunk I was, how many times I fell over and how many times I vomited.

Sasha giggles and decides to give me the play by play. Great. Now I’m definitely never going to forget. “Shall we go to the park after breakfast? I feel like going to the park.”

I shake my head. “I can’t, I’ve got plans with Nathan.” Another lie, but one I so desperately need to be true. I really need to talk to him.

“That’s a shame.” Tommy murmurs. “Tomorrow?”

I nod in agreement. “Tomorrow sounds good. So, you have lots to tell me?”

“I did, but I can’t…” She trails off, her cheeks turning pink.

Tommy gives me a wink. “It’s because I’m here and she can’t tell you because it’s about me.”

“Oh.” I frown in confusion and then it clicks. “Oh my god! You’re seeing each other?”

Sasha shrugs, trying for nonchalance, but she can’t hide the smile on her face, no matter how hard she tries.

Tommy just leans back, looking proud and slightly smug. He also looks like he just got himself a little somethin’ somethin’, as he used to call it back in university.

“I’m happy for you guys.” I put my little finger and thumb to my mouth and ear, mimicking a phone and mime the words “Call me later” to Sasha, who nods eagerly.

We eat breakfast in a happy atmosphere. Mum joins us, which is nice, and tells Sasha all about her new flame. During this time I text Nathan three times, begging him to call me, but I get no response. Why can’t things be simple?

Oh yeah… because I made them that way.

I’ve really messed up everything.

At least last night put things into perspective for me.

Sasha and Tommy both leave after an hour and I make myself pretty and get Dillan ready to leave. Maybe Nathan is home by now. It’s worth checking. I really need to tell him how sorry I am and pray that he gives me another chance. I can’t lose him. It’s time to put Caleb to rest.

With the stroller moving ahead of me, I make my way up Nathan’s driveway and sigh with relief when I see his car there. He’s leaving the house and locking the door as I make it to his car. Is he going somewhere?

“Hi,” I say nervously, flicking the brakes on the pram so it doesn’t roll down the sloped driveway.

Nathan startles and turns to face me. “I was going to come and see you.”

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